Banking on Peanuts...no one to Bank upon!!!!!

“There was a time when Probationary Officers were at par with IAS Officers. Even O.P. Bhatt preferred being a Banker than a Babu”. When any officer joins the Banking Industry (especially the Public Sector ones), he or she usually gets to hear these words from the Chief Guest at the induction ceremony. We have not been able to get over the rhetoric and actually find out what has changed since those glorious days. And in that timespace, the fall of Bankers from that pedestal has coincided with the rise of the Indian Administrative Service and the rest of the service industry. Some customers would say its KARMA while the younger lot is ignorant about that supposed past thereby forming an opinion based on the experience. This post of mine is with respect to the Wage Revision Talks that have captured the imagination of the entire Banking Industry but has got very little footage beyond that. I am not getting into the specifics of the negotiations per se but my focus here is more on the erosion of perceived value of the Bankers, need for hard bargaining, out of tune service conditions and indifference towards the needs of the Banking Industry.

When I talked about the KARMA a few sentences earlier, I meant that there was a time when the Banker used to be the king. The customers often were at the mercy of the work ethics of the banker they were dealing with. The customer had nowhere to go and customer service was a jargon unheard of. This was not unique to the Banking Industry alone but almost the entire Public Sector and Government establishments. Moreover, there were no computers then to fast track the service delivery mechanism. Gradually though, the landscape started to change and the role of technology started to assume significance.  The mushrooming of private sector banks coincidentally also happened during that period. Retaining customers and acquiring new ones became much more arduous all of a sudden. That is when the roles got reversed. The Kings suddenly found themselves dethroned and the funda of CUSTOMER IS KING took a long time to find acceptance. This PARIVARTAN took time and by that time many customers got wooed by the private sector Evangelists. Private Sector had a young workforce while the average age in public sector banks were much higher. Naturally, adaptation to technology and customer orientation took time and in fact that process is still on. It is not to say that Bankers then did not serve their customers well rather it would be apt to say that the very definition of customer service changed. Expectations had risen many fold and continues to rise further. Customers can easily pit one Bank against the other on visibles. What is hidden goes unnoticed often.

Where the private Banks score over Public Sector Banks is the removal of entry barriers. Private Sector Banks lay the red carpet before a prospective customer and go all out to lure him in through the Entry Gate. Once the conversion is complete then even the customer doesn’t mind paying a premium if he sees that his work is happening in the normal course. We humans do tend to stick to status quo that provides a comfort zone and so only a handful actually walkout through that very gate later on. The ones who walk out usually are found sitting in a Public Sector Bank. A Public Sector Banker, on the other hand, is more conversant with the regulatory or the so called THE RIGHT WAY of doing things. This obsession scares away some customers from the gate itself. But, the customers who have enjoyed a long relationship with a State run Bank won’t sever their ties because TRUST is the most important factor for them. It is important for Banks to not discount the trust factor under the compulsion of competition. And I am afraid the reverse is happening instead. Even the Public Sector Bankers now appear to be salesmen trying to sell A,B,C….Z to them. Of course, being competitive and coming across as a one point solution provider is the crux to survival these days but the Private sector Banks have specialised cells to cater to each from sourcing to recovery. A Banker in a village is still the "Babu" but for rest of the world he is just another one in the crowd. Not that tags matter much but the stature in the society is important if we are to attract the best talent to the industry. The workforce can rebuild the image through quality service while the Government needs to recognize the contribution on real terms as well.

Now, coming to the negotiations and the very need for it in this age, let me start by saying that it feels like a slap in the face when one reads about the hard bargaining going on for a paltry hike of 9.5% after five years. Take any industry for that matter; the annual raise an employee can expect under normal circumstances is around 15-16%. And here the Bipartite Settlement for peanuts happens every five years and even then the negotiations go on and on. Such negotiations seem more like an attempt at keeping the tradition alive especially when the final settlement happens on unrealistic terms after so much of delay. The time factor and compensation package statistics from other industries for similar job descriptions should automatically get functioned into the formula by which the raise is decided. There should not be any need for negotiations of epic proportions at least to that extent. Bankers have become like beasts of burden and the associations or unions have lost their teeth as well. More than negotiations, a market based approach is needed to make up for the lost ground.

Taking it further, we also need to revisit the service conditions and salary and perks bit of it. A uniform annual increment for all is alright but taking into account the increasing workload, a variable pay component should be added as well. The one who works gets an increment of Rs.X and the one who doesn’t work gets Rs.X and lots of time at leisure in addition. The one who works, his work never ends and the one who doesn’t, well he retires SMART as well. The institution progresses because of the work horses and they should be incentivised for their contribution in order to motivate others as well. Just to point out a couple of other issues, firstly, LFC provisions allow one to avail the benefit twice in two blocks. Funnily, a couple who are also colleagues do not get their individual quotas. Now, how about the man saying “Boss…. today my wife has worked really hard…eh..so I would take it easy!!!!”. Secondly, Probationary Officers who were like IAS officers once are still not entitled to travel by air in this age when even the interviewees in lot many places get air tickets reimbursed. If the industry itself is not giving value to the Officers, how can we expect it from an outsider??? Now a days, it is all about packaging. The awe for a certain profession is mostly by the CTC or the lifestyle that it provides. It may not be the right way but is the popular way these days. MOVING WITH TIMES should be the central theme of Charter of Demands.

Lastly, let me come to the issue that is paining every heart that beats for the Banking Sector and that issue is of course the indifference of the powers that be to the voice of workforce.  There are number of forwards on social media which highlight the importance of the Banking Sector and the contribution of its workforce. Whenever any Government needs to earn brownie points through its pet schemes like Financial Inclusion or Aadhaar, they turn to this machinery for help. Financial inclusion, for instance, could have also been done through the Postal Department given the fact that that Department carries out Banking operations as well. Moreover, it also has presence in far flung areas and basic postal business it not the same any more. Just consider a Bank Employee and the kind of work he or she has to do. Banking, Cross selling of hundred other products, Government Business, Welfare schemes of the Government and on top that bear the risk burden of the transactions as well. If the Government can dole out handsome proposals via the Pay Commissions, the Consolidated Fund of India should also be shared with the employees of the Banking Sector who play a huge part in implementation of the manifesto. This is an extreme thought on my part but the sentiment is not. It is alarming to see the media preferring to ignore the agitations. They spent one month on the IAS officer’s suspension and do not shy away from organising studio discussions on kindergarten admissions or exam stress levels. But the voice of this important constituent of the service sector fails to evoke a reaction. Can’t expect a common man to have any clue regarding what is going on and so it is perfectly alright if they ask their Banker this Wednesday-“teen din ki chutti…kya mast naukri hain!!!!!”

OUR ARMY MEN & THE “MIKE TYSON SYNDROME”!!!!!

Mike Tyson, one of the legendary pugilists, is known as much for his knockout punches as for his “Bad Boy” image off the ring. Our Army does pack a punch for sure and what our soldiers do for us apart from guarding our borders cannot be measured in words. For instance, the rescue and rehabilitation work post the Uttarakhand floods didn’t start moving at all till the defense forces joined in. Whenever our soldiers have got together, be it to fight for the nation or to help the fellow citizens in need, they have led by example.

Time and again though, there have been allegations of rape and other wrong doings against our soldiers in places like Manipur and the Kashmir Valley. The Pathribal case immediately comes to mind at this moment. I do not know the truth behind those allegations for I have heard that there have also been attempts by various groups to somehow get the defense forces out of those states on some pretext or other.  However, what I know and have witnessed on many occasions is the misconduct of soldiers in service or post retirement in a civilian social setup. And this is why I got tempted to call it “Mike Tyson Syndrome” for the good of these men also got negated by the evil in them. It’s almost as if they can never let go off their “camp lifestyle” even when they are thousand miles away from their colleagues.

The latest incident happened just a few of days back on the train that I took back to Delhi post my vacation in Shillong. We boarded the train at morning and found a man lying asleep on the middle berth. Overnight travel had taken its toll and so I asked my father to get some sleep in one of the other middle berths which belonged to us. The Saint (ofcourse my father) replied that it would be inconvenient for fellow passengers. While I climbed up onto the upper berth, my parents and another family managed to adjust themselves in the opposite berth.  My father preferred it that way as he didn't want to wake the sleeping passenger. When the breakfast was served, my father requested the man to wake up and come down so that everyone could have breakfast properly. He didn't pay any heed to the request and my father, being the peace loving man that he is, got down to eating his breakfast while staying low in the sitting posture. Just then Mr.Idiot (let’s give a name to the bugger) woke up and started to climb down. One of the passengers apparently requested him to wait for five minutes and yet the man climbed down from the wrong end and almost put his foot on my father’s plate. He then pulled out his bag without even bothering about whose foot he was crushing or whom he was kicking. He took out his toothbrush, paste and two bottles of whiskey to get his engine started for the day.

The noise of bags being pulled in and out from beneath the seat was too much a distraction for me to keep lying down. I don’t know whether he brushed or not but it was pretty evident to all of us that he was drunk at 9 O’Clock in the morning. He again came and on the pretext of searching for some stuff, took out all his clothes from the bag including his undergarments and put all those in a heap on the seat next to the ladies. The ladies were visibly embarrassed and turned their heads in the other direction. His play with his bags continued unabashed and then I asked him to either stop fiddling with his bag or shift his bag to the edge of the seat and play with it all day long. He cursed me saying that I forced him to shift his bag because I wanted my bags to be kept away from the aisle for safety sake. I laughed and the other passengers joined in as well. He got into a tiff with the waiters next for no reason and abused one of them with choicest words while blabbering about the inferiority of a waiter before the might of a soldier. This man had liquor flowing through his veins and in hindsight it seemed then that waking him up was a mistake indeed. 

The next act of this man really got us fuming and it would be embarrassing for the other soldiers to know that a fellow Indian soldier in a public place went about requesting almost every passenger to zip up his trouser. Drinking is fine but being a nuisance to others is not. We had to confront this man and threatened to throw him off the train in the next station. He was taken away to the next compartment by a colleague of his and we breathed a sigh of relief for we heard that he would sleep there itself at night. A man along with his little daughter shifted to the troublemaker’s berth instead. At midnight again though, Mr.Idiot came and forced the sleeping child to vacate that berth apparently because the other compartment had kids who were being very loud. Waah ab aur kya kahe…..!!!

An area where Defense Services need to work on is the social skill/discipline of its members. The soldiers stay away from normal society for too long and so it is natural that they often do not fit into a civilian society easily. That is where the Human Resources Division should play its part. In a crowd, it is still easier to identify a soldier than identifying a Banker or a Doctor. Everytime a soldier errs, the great institution gets dragged into the filth. In fact, my personal view is that so called “liquor quota” is an excess best left restricted within the place of service. What is the need to allow liquor bottles in the baggage while travelling by public mode of transport???? They are soldiers, not drunkards. Celebrating with a drink or a daily peg or two is understandable but drinking as an Art of Living is beyond me. Not every soldier is that educated or intelligent enough to recognise the immediate environment and behave accordingly. That is when they err and bring disrepute to their esteemed organisation. At a time when there are often talks of wrongdoings by defense forces against civilians; code of behaviour for soldiers in a civilian setup should be the priority. It is not the effects of alcohol but the social behaviour in general that should be taught to the soldiers especially to those in the lower ranks. 

Exit Counselling for servicemen on the verge of retirement is important to facilitate a smooth transition of the soldier into a civilian. They need not feel insulted and get psyched up if the world beyond that gate acts a bit indifferently henceforth. It is normal if the watchman does not salute now or open the gate on time or that the priority service is no longer extended to them. High handed behaviour is often a result of difficulty in accepting the fact that Ranks usually do not matter in a normal social setup. Infact, I may be speaking out of ignorance and perhaps the Defense Services training establishments have already been working on these lines since ages and in which case I can only say that it is my misfortune that I mostly happen to come across the worst students in the class!!!

UMMMMMMMMMMMMM...AADMI PARTY!!!!!

It is well past midnight and Mr.Kejriwal and his team are perhaps still thinking about their role in the Delhi Assembly. By the time they come out with their decision, hopefully my post would be out for my readers to read. Funnily, my readers and the AAM AADMI PARTY (AAP) have something in common. One group is RELUCTANT TO READ & the other is RELUCTANT TO LEAD. My readers can be coaxed or even emotionally blackmailed into reading whatever I write, just as the AAP leaders need their strings to be pulled by the Aam Aadmi.

The AAP apparently has been gathering referendum in order to take a call on forming the Government in Delhi. They held 272 Jansabhas in Delhi yesterday seeking public opinion on their next course of action. While the residents of those 272 wards turned up to redirect the lost ship towards the destination, the wily old politicians would have been enjoying the show and laughing out loud at this "stage fright" being exhibited by a group of people on whose lofty visions the public had put faith in. Mr.Kejriwal may continue to say "hum Aam Aadmi Party hain. Joh janta chahegi, hum wahi karenge" but I have a reason to believe that this reluctance to form the Government stems from something else and not mere respect for public opinion. 

The election result in Delhi was ground breaking and it was nice to know that citizens had the conviction to come out in large numbers and vote against mediocrity, status quo & bad governance (not necessarily in Delhi but by Congress in general). The fact that they voted for AAP implies that the "corruption free governance" promised by this new party struck a chord with the Aam Aadmi. Last year, when Mr.Kejriwal and his team charted their own course with the modus operandi of "Name & Shame", the existing political parties grew insecure and afraid for there was an imminent threat of all the dark secrets being spilled out in public domain. They shrewdly asked Mr.Kejriwal to get into politics and clean the system from within instead of just mud slinging from outside. All that was wrong with the political and bureaucratic system was evident to us as well; and we were looking for a new option on that electronic voting machine which according to us would stand for the all the virtues that make any nation a proud one. Mr.Kejriwal floated the AAM AADMI PARTY then and his party automatically fitted into that image of an honest party that fights the evil. There was an immediate emotional connect as all the frustrations of the common man translated into support for AAP. 

Mr.Kejriwal subsequently decided to put his party to the ultimate political test in Delhi with promises that seemed too idealistic but nevertheless tempting for an honest voter to vote in their favour. Congress got routed while BJP fell short of the half way mark. But AAP pleasantly surprised all of us by winning 28 seats. BJP cannot come together with Congress and so it expectedly played its political card by not coming forward to form the Government and as a result, the onus of forming the Government fell on AAP. Congress, in the meanwhile, sensed an opportunity to stay in power and hence offered its support to the AAP. Political gains may drive parties like Congress and BJP to act in a certain manner but it stumped me to find the AAP shying away from taking up the responsibility which was bestowed upon it by the citizens. 

But now it is obvious that AAP is feeling the jitters when the time has come to actually take control of the ship. We are not dumb to fall for the "JANSABHA CIRCUS". When people had voted for the AAP, they voted for AAP(the ruling party) & not for the AAP(the opposition party). No voter votes for someone unless he/she has a vision of his/her "candidate of choice" in power. Mr.Kejriwal is intelligent enough to understand that every vote that it received was a mandate from people to rule Delhi and fulfill those promises. This is an insult to the electorate and the Election Commission should recover the costs of holding the election from the concerned parties should there be a re-election. We just cannot let public money be wasted in such futile exercises.

The dominant thought on my mind is that AAP has miscalculated its capabilities and hence it is dragging its feet now. They wanted to create a splash in the water and are now faced with a Tsunami instead. A partnership with BJP(the single largest party) would restrict their flight while getting into bed with Congress would be bad for their image.  They have reached a point of not return now. In hindsight, they should have declared their political ambition a lot earlier to mobilise more support. They would do well to start early in other states for the ensuing General Elections in 2014. 

They are under-prepared to run the Capital and understandably so. Good intentions do not imply good administration and here the seasoned politicians would agree with me. "Aasman se girey, aur khajur mein atkey" and the irony is that there won't be a second opportunity if they let this one go. My worry is that now there is a greater chance of poor governance given the inexperience and reluctance. And that would give a chance to the existing political parties to get back at them. Moreover, taming Congress and keeping it under check would be a task in itself should they opt for a coalition. A coalition with the BJP would have been better towards the achievement of their objectives and cornering Congress but going by pure numbers, there would be more bargaining power in coalition with the Congress. All THE BEST to this promising party and hopefully power and political engagements do not corrupt the so-called A FEW GOOD MEN & WOMEN!!!

NOW PLAN YOUR OWN WEDDING....AYANZ "BY FLUKE" THEORY....PART 3!!!

On the 10th of May, as the Mandor Express slowly came to a halt at New Delhi railway Station, I could see Ranbir waiting for me on the platform. We planned to leave for Chandigarh together and had hired a cab which was waiting for us but at the wrong Exit though. After a number of calls trying to locate our "rath" for the "yatra"; we got into the right cab and headed towards Chandigarh. Our first task was to examine the arrangements made for accommodation of the Baraatis who would start reaching Chandigarh in batches the very next day. After a tiring journey and a heavy lunch, we were in no mood to get down to business and knowing  that our "Jawaan" would doze off, I dragged him out into the streets for house hunting. This task had suddenly become number one on my priority list because while we were on our way to Chandigarh, I got the news that my transfer to Chandigarh had materialized. I had come to know about this development well in advance but was not sure about the timing of the order. But my "love" for Jodhpur forced me to pack all my stuff without waiting for the announcement and carry with me to Chandigarh all that I had accumulated in my nomadic existence in the last few years. My luggage needed an address and I wanted to do away with my checklist at the earliest. This little afternoon exercise seemed futile at the end as all we got were only mobile numbers and all of those were of shrewd and boring broker "uncles". Before Ron could hurl abuses at me, I promised to take him to the wise Old Monk at night. Trust me, nothing pleased him more then. 

Now a days though, he prefers to go and see that monk only if his psychologist accompanies him. It seems that the Psychologist too "enjoys" the company of wise people like Old Monk or Teachers. "Ram milaye Jodi....ek Bewra kya kam tha...joh usko mil gayi Bewri"....hehehehe. This couple is living their blissful married life and capturing each moment frame by frame. Good to see them enjoy themselves. Yeh dekh ke doston ka dil "Garden Garden" ho jaata hain!!!! Apparently they have gone to the city of love seeking some DOPE and after that they plan to wash away their sins before the POPE.

Anyways, there is not enough space to squeeze in any other story and so let me get back to the subject of this post. That evening, we inspected the venue and realised the we couldn't get a better place than what had been arranged for stay and marriage. The place was nothing great but the words "Bongo Bhawan" were reassuring enough in a beautiful but strange city, where people seem to know more about their neighbours' cars and less about their neighbours. The arrangements had more or less been taken care of by two wonderful "Probashi Bangaali" strangers, Milan Da and Sameer Da who were commanding their subordinates as if it was the wedding of someone in their family itself. In fact they went an extra mile to make sure that the wedding remained true to its Bengali roots. 

Next day morning I was woken up by the ring of my phone and the voice on the other end instructed me to reach some place within an hour if I did not want to lose out on a good house available on rent. I left Ron in the hotel and at 7.30 in the morning, I sealed the deal and paid the advance. I was damn happy and proud of myself as my previous house hunting experiences were nothing short of harrowing. We spent the day roaming around in Sector 17, watched a movie as well perhaps and returned back to the base to check if the catering guys had started working there. This was the evening when the groom normally enjoys the pampering but this poor groom instead was waiting on the platform along the tracks trying to find some rhythm in the "Chugh Chugh" music from the trains. The bride, on the other hand, was busy dancing to the latest tracks on the platform specially created for the Lady Sangeet celebrations in some upscale hotel unmindful of the hardwork being put up by her life partner just to get married. The first set of Baraatis had reached and I could see Adi flashing his teeth to catch our attention. I could see lot of Bags had come for my wedding and every couple had one Baraati with them. I smiled as I realised that this is a familiar sight when women are involved. After ensuring that every Bag had been accounted for, we escorted the Baraatis back to the Bongo Bhawan where everyone settled in nicely. 

Meanwhile I handpicked talented people(including Baba) from the group that gathered there and rushed to Kalibari to catch hold of the priest who had promised to get me married. This was a tense moment as all our preparations were based on the assurance that he had given a few months back over the phone. While Baba was discussing the SOP with the priest, I raided the temple canteen and got ourselves some delicious mishti doi. The final task was to go back to the station to receive the remaining Baraatis amongst whom was one Mr.Bob, the livewire in the family. Suddenly it seemed that I was not nervous anymore in that strange setting and there was a sense of confidence within me that the next couple of days would be full of fun and happiness. 

12th May, 2013 was like just another day for so many people but the rising Sun signified the start of a new phase of my life. I started the day by taking Mishtimoni, Bodomamu and the bunch of "monkeys" (Adi, Ron, Bob, Abhi and TANIA) along to show the house that I got on rent. Thanks to Boromamu's nationwide network of friends and colleagues, we were tortured with a strange mix of "Lime Rooh Afza" at one such colleague's house and probably this drove my "opportunistic" friends to whisk the "Bhanjaa" away for some sort of Bachelor Party at a nearby pub as a punishment for his Mama's wrongdoings....!!! They drank and ate while I was sitting there waiting to loosen my wallet as and when the moment arrived. The moment did arrive but it was well past the lunch timings. I was the only one who returned hungry as the mere sight of my friends shamelessly tearing into the chicken and pork could not satiate my hunger. 

All the waiting, so much of patience, so many conversations, lot many arguments, a number of tough decisions,lot of convincing and a near perfect execution......yeah the special moment was only a couple of hours away. I thought that it was time to forget all that and peacefully enjoy the last moments of Bachelorhood and get ready to tie the knot. Before that I had to tie my dhoti first though and this thought was making me nervous. But just as I was about to get ready, I had to rush to sector 17 for I had forgotten to pick up gift for "Saala" (Not the "Kamina" types if I may add). And we took a liking to the UCB store there and ended up spending more than an hour there. When we reached back the venue, the Bride had already arrived. Ron told me "yaar tujhe dekh ke lag hi nahi raha ki tera shaadi ho raha hain". I replied "Mujhe bhi nahi lag raha".....hehehehe!!!

The wedding ceremony was short and sweet. The priest tried to get me married into the T-Series family but my "33.26% downloaded wife" corrected him immediately. She could not do anything about her papa though as he was giving her hand away in marriage through specially written piece of mantra that was a funny cocktail of French and Latin. In the midst of all this, I was busy showing off that I understood every bit of "pundarikakshya purakakashya" even though I was preoccupied with the lady in the red benarasi sitting beside me. The day ended with us getting married in Bengali tradition and now it was time to get ready for the sequel with Punjabi tadka slated to take place the very next day. I could do nothing as my wife was being taken away just to be presented before me as my future wife the following day again. "Saala Bakra do do baar halal hua". The night went by as I took advantage of my "quasi-married" status and enjoyed an impromptu get-together with friends and Jijaji. The three hour long ridiculous discussion just centered around the date of 31st July, 2012 and repetition of the following words........"Lekin July 31st hi kyun???"!!!

Sunday morning brought about a change in the venue and the Baraat reached the Sunpark Hotel. The Sun had actually parked itself there as I found out when every Baraati decided to run for cover. I was deserted in that furnace of a car with a "flower vase" on my head for a "sehra" and fancy ethnic suit made of a fabric as heavy as that of a "shamiaana" . The cruel gang of Bouncers(saalis and Bhabis) still didn't care and I had to pay 5.00 lac paise to get a stag entry. While the others would have turned back from the Gate, I fought the odds and ate a laddu made out of chilly powder so that the poor girl does not lose out on a gem of a human being. They even stole my sandal and even though I could have stopped the thief yet I didn't care as "jijaji ka juta bhi saale ke liye ashirwaad hota hain"...lol. The havan started and this time my father fumbled his way through the process while Gul and I were wondering whether we would get double the amount of gifts for the fact that we took fourteen pheras instead of seven. While all of us were counting pheras, the bunch of monkeys were counting pegs somewhere else in the city. 

The two day test match got over by the evening and I drove away with my prize. Of course I had to retire as well after this match winning effort for it rendered me unavailable for other tournaments. But that was the idea...wasn't it??? The theory ends here and apologies for an outrageously lengthy one again. In case you opened your eyes just now, the key to successfully planning one's own wedding is to never lose sight of the prize. And that prize is not the girl alone but the happiness for all in the family. That is the the secret behind the success of this theory. All the best to all those who are busy putting my "By Fluke" Theory into Practice......Papad belnaa sikhlo bhai log!!!

STILL PLANNING YOUR OWN WEDDING....AYANZ "BY FLUKE" THEORY....PART 2!!!

Toh HUMLOG waapas aagaye.....it seems. Ok, so here I start the second part of this post by taking you all back to the moment where the need for such a theory emphasized itself and set the ball rolling. It all began when I spelt out the eligibility norms to my parents for search of my partner. They got stumped and told me that I would get out hit wicket and lose a good match. They asked me to try Bharatmatrimony.com to zero down on a girl based on the tough filters that I set. In fact, mishtimoni remarked that only option to come out as winner out of this is to fix the match myself. I laughed at that and then casually registered myself on that site. I hardly took note of my incomplete profile and my approach was rather hyenic as in I would pick up on the profiles shortlisted by poor Adi and shoot bulk invitations. I must have sent hundreds of those and later on, Adi did the same as a way of gaining back the lost ground but he had to make do with a couple at best for I hardly shortlisted anyone. Anyways, soon we forgot about the objective and instead started to have fun over phone discussing all the weird profiles and the unattended mistakes that contradicted the claims made by many. Those discussions had influenced one of my earlier posts as well. Here's the link:

http://www.ayanzthoughtspace.blogspot.in/2011/09/bear-it-on-matrimony.html

My casual approach though didn't go down too well with my mother as by oversight, I had retained the default option "CASTE NO BAR" on my profile in the column meant for preferred partner's caste. My parents thought that I had actually fixed the match then and this profile error was just a way to accommodate some girl to whom I had sent an invitation like I did to hundred others. What had happened was that Adi had visited my Mamaji's house in Hyderabad and he had shown them my profile as I wanted them to check it out as well. But that move backfired and I was shortly summoned by the Home Minister to explain myself and during that conversation, they came out with these "magic" words...."Ayan if you find a bride for yourself, we will not raise any objections but if we initiate any proposal then that would surely be in conformity with our caste and community requirements". I laughed and then said ok. Adi soon got the information that he had to repair my profile immediately. In hindsight, those words of my parents were like magic words indeed as soon after that door of destiny opened where I met my future wife.

What happened after that was like a strike of lightning and in a matter of days, shockingly, there was someone in my life to fill that "void"(what the hell....actually there was no void or atleast, I was too busy with life to take any note of that). We took a little time ( Adi would say..."Are you kidding??? ... Bro...'little time' would be an exaggeration of time in your case") to decide if we wanted to get married to each other and till then we had taken the conscious stand to keep the Bharatmatrimony or the traditional matrimony options open as well. Soon, we did not need to look at these options and I had actually managed to fix the match. I was invited over to her house and her mother tried to woo me with "idli" for a late breakfast as I landed up in Chandigarh. Now, my friends and relatives would know that idli on my plate is as good as "beef" on a Brahmin's plate(not my kinda Brahmin I mean). Initially, it was almost as difficult as Ram's task of breaking that "Bow" but I managed to break off a piece of idli and put it in my mouth. I still don't know whether I was too hungry or that was not authentic idli or for that matter, love numbed my taste buds but I liked what I ate. Yeh sochne pe bhi ajeeb lagta ab ki ek punjabi saans ne apne bangaali damaad ko South Indian idli khilwaake phaas liya....lol. She was not done and and then she brought out her "Ace of Spades"-a nice fish curry in dinner. Mullah ki daud masjid tak hi hain aur yeh bangaali itney mahino baad fish khaake toh paglaa gaya tha. Only thing that remained was to break the news to my parents. But, before that let me board the bus out of Chandigarh towards Gurgaon first. Flashback toh proper hona chahiye na!!!!

Alright, I have reached Gurgaon now and ready to proceed with the story. I had gone on training and spent my day in the classroom thinking about ways to break the news to my parents. I didn't even have my cousin, Mr.Arnab Goswami's number otherwise TIMES NOW would have been a good mode considering my father's love for News and their fixation with any thing that is worth breaking. In case you are wondering, his dad and Baba are BHAIs.....HINDUSTANI BHAIs...to be specific. However, the opportunity presented itself later that evening when Mishtimoni called up to discuss a marriage proposal and I blurted out the whole thing thinking desperate times call for desperate measures. She said that she was fine but then the question was. Who will bell the cat???? I promptly replied "you and who else...don't you remember that Brahmastra that I have against you?????". She laughed and said that she would first talk to Mamaji and then find a way to talk to my parents. I know she would have anyways done that but still it lightened up the tense moment.

Surely, I received a call from Baba and he asked in his most serious tone...."Kita shunlaam bey???" (What did I hear???) and then there was deep silence. I was hoping that he would himself start talking but then he never dropped any hint and we concluded the call after discussing ten other topics. For a moment, I was as confused as crazy and checked with Mishtimoni if she had spoken to him at all. She said that she did. I then called up Ma this time and the first thing I told her was that see I have always been the "good boy" and had stayed away from home for number of years and conducted myself in the way with the values I was brought up with. Immediately after that emotional lecture, I asked her..."Ma, if I have taken this decision then I am sure you know that I would have considered every possible angle....so do you trust me when I say that this is the right one for me????". Her response was-"Kintu amra je hindi koitey paari na aar taai je Bangla jaane na....aamra kotha kemney koimu???" (We speak hindi hardly and she does not know Bengali. In a home, communication is very important and so how would we be able to talk to each other properly????). I knew straightaway that she wasn't against my choice but her concerns were more "operational" and understandable as well. I told her that it is an opportunity to teach each other and I will collect the fees from both the parties. Amazingly, my parents had agreed without even meeting the girl; just based on the trust that they had on me. And I felt blessed to have parents who are so free thinkers that they never let any issue come in the way of this relationship getting cemented with exchange of marriage vows. I am really proud of them for they treated every issue on its merit and were objective and wise enough to gauge the culture, values and honesty of an unknown girl and her family. The same goes for my mother-in-law as well and when I look back at that day in Chandigarh, it was neither the idli nor the fish curry but her warmth and love that did the trick. Aisi saans ki beti koi aur hoti toh bhi chalti....kyun Gul???

With help from Mishtimoni and Adi, I had sorted out all the issues that cropped up time and again to challenge our conviction in the whole process. Now, the next level was ENGAGEMENT. More than the ceremony, this occassion had a far greater bearing on the future of the relationship. It was the first time the two families were going to meet. Baba made it clear that the "Ashirbaad" ceremony had to happen during that visit itself as it would have been difficult for them to travel again. I wanted to tell him that no it is better to take some time and not to rush things but he was in a greater hurry to get me married. Being the most obedient child that I am, I surrendered before his wish...lol. Ma had to miss the ceremony due to my sister needing someone to be there with her especially with our CHOTABHEEM (my niece) getting naughtier by the day. So the date of 4th December was fixed for both "Ashirbaad" and "Roka" and Baba along with his trusted comrades headed for Chandigarh with all the good stuff to be giifted to the girl. Baba did not even care to buy one chocolate for me. Ab Bahu betey se zyada important joh ho gayi thi....itni saalo ka pyar kuch dino mein unho ne bhula diya. He brought a cholcolate for Gul yesterday as well and that too the "fruit and nut" one knowing fully well that I do not like those. Log badal jaate hain...rishtey bhi badal jaatey hain. Ironically, once they landed in Delhi, that suitcase containing the goodies was handed over to me for safe keeping.

And yeah there was only one demand that me father had and which my in-laws had to take care. A piece of fish had to be arranged for the ceremony and I could hardly contain my laugh when I saw that fish occupying a prominent spot amongst all the other provisions arranged for the ceremony. It was "Tengra", a small fish of about 7  inches length and 150-200 grams in weight. Till that date I had only seen fishes of minimum 2 kilograms being used for this ceremony. He had been skeptical about the possible outcome of the task given by him to his "Sambdhan" considering the food habits of people in Chandigarh but he was very relieved to find one in the plate. He could understand the effort put in by her and his confidence in this relationship jumped up spectacularly and there was no looking back since then. They are best buddies now and Ma has been preparing the best fish preparations for her every second day. I am happy as I get my share too.

The interesting moment was when he wanted to pay for that fish and he decided to use sign language to cover up for his command over hindi. With a smile on his face, he signaled with the fingers just as one would do to flip a coin. And the look in the faces of "ladkiwaale" turned pale as they interpreted the signal as demand for "Dowry". I had to jump in quickly and clear the air immediately. Later on at the hotel we laughed our hearts out when Baba put his hands on his head and remarked "OH HO!!!" The next day they left and I took Adi to Shimla as that was his long time wish. That night we had a dinner invitation at my sasural. Gul did a nice job in the kitchen pretending to cook and by the time the dinner ended, my "firangi fiancee" had discarded spoon and fork. We said "Welcome to the family" and left for our respective destinations.

The marriage dates were fixed for the month of May after the usual "tug of war" that is part and parcel of every matrimonial alliance. The challenge was to seamlessly merge the ceremonies so that no side felt that their rituals were not properly followed. In Bengali marriages, the girl leaves her parental home on the next day after marriage while in Punjabi culture, the pack-up happens on the day of marriage itself. This management guru did a wonderful job and decided the dates in such a way that everything worked out perfect. May 12th-Bengali Wedding and May 13th-Punjabi wedding. So that meant that the bride could start the journey for a new life in sync with the rituals of the respective cultures. The journey part sounds good but planning it was one hell of a task. I did not want the marriage to happen in Shillong as that would have meant all the burden had fallen on Baba and so "Shubho Chatuthomongol" (i.e. Reception) was shifted to Mishtimoni's house in Kolkata. That was perfect for me in view of my limited leaves and I was able to visit the place as well to personally arrange the function under Mesho's guidance and with Bob's help. The Olympic contingent(read Baraatis) had to be finalised for the tickets to be booked and with great difficulty the list was ready to be presented at the Railway Reservation Counter. Tickets were booked but reservations for the return journey were not confirmed. The uncertainty did not matter to anyone at that point for the sight of me getting married in Chandigarh in two different ceremonies had eclipsed very other thought.

I do take this opportunity to apologize to people whom I didn't invite. I knew it was going to be a hell of a task to manage with so many people in an unknown environment where I did not have any one known to fall back upon in case anything went wrong. Inviting people beyond the closest circle was not a wise decision for sure and I exactly did that though I might have offended a few in the process. And my nature is such that I could not invite people just for the sake of inviting. I thought it was better to be cursed for being rude rather than inviting people to a place where you yourself are not sure about the arrangements. However, everything went off well and it seems that God was on duty for those few days. Otherwise how would one explain this???? Gul and her mother went shopping one fine day to Sector 17 and in the course of casual conversation, the shopkeeper got to know about the marriage and the Bengali groom. He introduced them to a Bengali who owned a boutique and believe it or not everything got taken care of from the stay to the Bengali marriage rituals and catering arrangements for a full course Bengali dinner. Those people were God sent and we would be ever grateful to them. The arrangements might not have been perfect but the best part about family is that no one bothers about these things in the midst of celebrations.

This post is not going to end it seems and infact the most adventurous part of the celebrations is yet to be shared. Let me extend this post to a third part and will come back and take you straight to the day of my wedding in Chandigarh. Till then let all my friends and relatives get ready to board the trains from various cities of India while I myself prepare for my journey away from one station of life to another. You guys give you eyes some rest now and there are other things in life as well apart from my Blog. Don't miss out on those...lol!!!!!

PLANNING YOUR OWN WEDDING......AYANZ "BY FLUKE THEORY" ON ARRANGEMENT OF LOVE MARRIAGE!!!

HEE HEE HEE HEE....(Battisi dikhaake)....may I point out that one wonderful year has passed since this brilliant management theory was successfully put into practice by the self-proclaimed Management Guru. No I am not talking about Mr.Arindam Choudhary...I believe he has never proclaimed it himself. I am talking about Mr.Ayan Goswami. For the students of this science, who aspire to toe a similar line or more importantly, may find themselves at such crossroads, here is a piece of writing on how this theory works. This Theory is based on the fundamental principle of co-ordination between key players through a focussed approach towards the set goals. The success of this theory is primarily dependent on the directing and monitoring ability of the leader. This might not work in everyone's case due to varied reason like the managing skills of the leader, efficiency of the key players, God's interest levels and ofcourse TQ(Tolerance Quotient) which again is a matter of luck.

The Guy and the girl meet, fall in love and decide to get married. Sounds easy....right???? Wait the fun just begins here....!!! Planning a wedding in Indian context has always been a tricky and challenging task keeping in view the diverse culture. The SOP of wedding changes from house to house. The arrangement of arranged marriages also do not have 100% success ratio and the record of Love marriages is far worse in India. The complicacy here was at a much higher level. Convincing all the non-hindi speaking family members in North-East of India to arrange a proper social marriage between their Bengali son with a hindi speaking Punjabi girl based in Chandigarh, without being able to meet the girl or her family. It sounded scary when this task was carried out like a video game with the difficulty level increasing at each stage. The smooth transition from bachelorhood to that of a married one required mastering the unpredictable variables at play. In hindsight, I must admit that I had some strengths which proved handy in the success of this theory and so should be the case with anyone. Having strengths is not enough though but the key is to make optimum use of those. Let me highlight the strengths that helped me juggle all the unpredictabilities and come out with a PERFECT ACT!!!

Firstly, my relatives had the image of a "Bhola Bhala Ladka" of mine in their minds thanks to me actually being that way. Just to prove a point...here's my favourite question..."Duniya Gol Kyun Hoti Hain????". So it came as a shocker when one fine day they heard it from my parents. Whenever someone elderly remarks "Tui je eerokom biyaa korbey, bhabtey o paarsi na amra" (That you get married this way was beyond our imagination), my cousins immediately jump to claim that they had always known that I was anything but "Bhola Bhala". We still have a good laugh at this whenever this topic comes up for discussion. Honestly, their opinion never mattered to me that much as that of my parents did. I thought this would take lot of convincing for them to even decide on hearing the Girls' voice over the phone. This theory though, would have failed even with its brilliant concept, had Ma or Baba decided otherwise. Infact, their son was shocked at the ease with which he won their "approval". Today, I must admit that they knew their son but their son didn't really know his parents.  Perhaps, that is one universal truth. 

Secondly, the pillar on which this relationship got cemented into a marital commitment has to be my guardian angel in the form of "Mishtimoni"(my maamiji) and "Boromamu"(my maamaji). They were my first two KEY PLAYERS. In my family, they were the first exponents of something similar to this theory and hence they could understand me. There were no linguistic barriers at least in their case but one has to concede that the TQ in that era was negligible. Knowledge of this did not influence my decision at all but my equation with Mishtimoni is such that I could trust her with this job. I literally coerced them into this by providing a weird logic. They get ready to pick up a stick, with a smile on their faces ofcourse, everytime they are reminded of that Blackmail Call. Would you like to know what that logic was??? Now that you said yes then let me share it with you guys...hehehe.

I never intended to quit my job in Hyderabad and join the Banking sector. Mishtimoni and Boromamu with great difficulty managed to convince me to try one such recruitment examination. Strangely I got selected and my new job brought me to Chandigarh where this relationship got initiated. The reason that I gave them was that because of them I had to shift base from Hyderabad to Chandigarh where this girl fell for my REALLY TALL, HARDLY DARK, EXTREMELY HANDSOME, SUPER INTELLIGENT & AXE EFFECT WAALA ATTITUDE (oops the truth is out...but sorry Gul for not being able to accommodate my other 3456 qualities that you had pointed out...lol!!!). So it was their DUTY to help me out. They could do nothing but surrender before the truth.

Finally, my other key player was my friend Shiladitya or Adi as he fondly calls himself. Now that Mishtimoni and Boromamu had played a good knock and their partnership brightened the chances of a win significantly. Next stage was all about consolidation. Picking out the thorns one at a time for smooth passage was crucial and his KRAs were well defined. He did a good job and never wavered from the script. Oh yeah, he got a good incentive as well based on his performance. A unconfirmed reservation from Chandigarh to Kolkata with multiple opportunities to do some "Cooliegiri" along the way. Sadly though, the Man of the Moment also had to drag quite a few bags himself.

Well well I have been exposed enough to this Balaji trick over the years thanks to ladies in the house and so I know that it is the appropriate time to end it here. Picture abhi baaki hain mere dost!! The next part is about the days leading to the wedding and how all the celebrations finally culminated in Kolkata. It was a wonderful journey and a fantastic start to this phase of life with the special one. I can see the curiosity levels rising and there is a great chance that the post would receive the most number of hits(twoooooooo or even threeeeeeeeeeeeee). Aage Gul aur Ayan ki shaadi pe kya hua tha....dekhenge HUMLOG!!!

MY AIM IN LIFE....A Life that is neither Easy nor an Essay!!!

"A man without an aim is like a ship without a radar"....does that ring a bell???? Well, I know we are transported back into that classroom where this phrase was supposed to be the clincher and get us a good score in Essay writing test. But in our enthusiasm to be the best, we forgot that everyone was using that same Essay Book. The best part about the phrase was that it fitted into any topic. After all, the truth of life is that a man without discipline or punctuality also loses direction like a radar-less vessel. And interestingly, almost all the publishers were making Essay..oops Easy Money by selling the same content under different names. "My Aim in Life", or rather "My Aims In each year of Life" helped me and my friends score good marks for sure but for us it hardly mattered. Our age didn't let us bother about the complexities that lay in the depth of those words. Our understanding of the subject was superficial and its importance was at par with the physical attributes of a cow or life of a great man.

If we recall the various aims that we were juggling at that innocent age, most of us would be able to locate a sheepish smile in the mirror. Only my engineering friends would be able to proudly say that they aimed and they hit the Bull's Eye. But they were somewhat lucky as the entire Education System seemed to be designed to encourage Engineers. There was a time when if you threw a stone in the crowd, it was most likely to hit an engineer. However, a good number of engineers have been investing their hard earned(read ragged) engineering know-how into management institutes for returns in the form of a career in investment banking. The most popular aims that one could hear in the classroom were Pilot, Cricketer, Doctor, and Engineer. There were some strange ones as well like Truck Driver, Chartered Accountant and IAS; the former choice being the most honest of aims while the latter was of course an attempt to be different. I say "strange" because we were kids then and our choices were supposed to echo what our ears were exposed to. Eyes and the brains became functional a lot later and ironically, by that time the teacher had stopped asking "Son, what do you want to be when you grow up????". In hindsight, the most fitting answer would have been "Clueless". A friend of mine though had replied to one such question in this casual manner....."Saaaer 

Daaktor". He meant "Sir Doctor" but his khati(read pure) sylheti was too crude for an English class and the teacher assumed that the strongly built kid actually wanted to say "Dakaait" (robber in sylheti). The teacher felt very embarrassed and perhaps cursed himself in his heart for aimlessly ending up as a teacher in a classroom. Today, one can only marvel at the foresight of that poor kid when the family Doctor writes prescriptions more for the medical representatives and less for the patients. Teaching used to be the most popular aim for girls though and quite expectedly so. "To be listened to" is in their birth right and traces of it can be found out in their DNA should any aspiring Nobel Laureate take the pains to spend some quality time with a lady in the otherwise boring laboratory.

Personally speaking, I gave a fair chance to most of these options(except Medicine and Engineering) and still ended up being a Banker. At this stage, it would be appropriate to add that I am not done as yet or so would I like to believe. Life would be too dull if I spend a lifetime in balancing Debits and Credits. My life so far has been like a ship that enjoys the uncertainties of the ocean rather than the predictability of the shores. If life was a maze and I was asked to trace my path back to that very classroom, most certainly I would fail for my journey so far has been very interesting and least bit predictable. My Aim in Life was to be a pilot initially. Next year, I wanted to be a cricketer and the following year, an IFS Officer. A year after that, we moved to more difficult topics for essays and so Indian Foreign Service became My Aim in Life by virtue of being captured by the brain as the most recent left-brain activity. It was nice though to dream about representing one's country and to travel far and wide around the globe. But the dream gradually got lost somewhere the moment I entered the serious phase of school education. A student has to tackle so much in the present that the future assumes a vague shape that can be moulded into anything distinct through hard work, management and a little bit of luck.

I embraced commerce to avoid science and arts. So, CA was obviously worth a try and I tried it like people try smoking for the first time. I coughed out a little and didn't pursue it further realizing that "Come Again" was not exactly to my liking. MBA was the next big thing for graduates and that bug bit me quite hard. And here was I at the Main Gate of the National Institute of Fashion Technology with my father while the pretty girls cat-walked past us in short skirts. My father promptly reminded me of my new aim and that was to get the maximum out of this Management Degree.......... only intellectually and professionally of course and not in any other way. This degree got me a job in a profile that hitherto had been a "No Entry Zone" for me. I was happy though at cracking the interview without having any clue about the subject. Two years of Visual Merchandising, night outs with lifeless mannequins, skipped lunches, lots of pizzas and I was convinced that my true calling lay somewhere else. But Banking was not the obvious answer and it was a last minute decision to jump from fashion to finance. Destiny played its hand and now it seems that all the events happened so that I could be led to my wife in this over populated and vast country. Now that this has been achieved, I can quit the banking industry as well....lol. On a serious note, life has surprised me on more than one occasion but I have taken decisions and I stand by each of those decisions. I have a long way to go and the journey here on onwards would be even more interesting. I do not want my life to be dictated by any aim but the fulfillment would be achieved if I am able to aptly deal with whatever destiny has in store for me. It would be very childish to think that all of us can have an aim in life and achieve it as well. Neither we are God nor Life is that simple and then there is something called the Law of Demand & Supply as well!!!

Kids should not be asked about their aims in life and they should be asked to experiment and innovate instead. One life and so many options. How can one decide on one option without trying other options???? As long as you are curious, you are alive. Let's teach them how to live life. It is more important to teach the kids the importance of accepting with humility what life has in store for us and then getting the best out of such opportunities. "If the wind will not serve, take to the oars"!!!!

I am happy to see my ship fight the rough whether and then bask in the glory of bright sunshine. I am not ready to hit the shores as yet. There is too much to explore and experience in that vast ocean called LIFE!!!