BEAR-IT (on) MATRIMONY.....!!!!

……“ The kind of girl you want is perhaps going to be damn difficult for us to find. So why don’t you find one for yourself???” That was a cue for me from my Aunt to register on Bharat Matrimony. I have always been hopeless offline and so I thought maybe I should start my hunt for a partner with blessings from Internet Baba. I have always found Matrimony websites funny for some reason. I had seen the plight of a few acquaintances of mine who had ventured into that territory. You are interested in people who are not interested in you and you decline those who are interested in you. I know….ITS CONFUSING. That’s what they told me but I thought that the second part of the sentence was just an after-thought on their part. Anyways, I put in a few lines for myself in a hurry and was ready for the adventure. My friend Shiladitya is more of a seasoned campaigner (with a very bad Strike Rate) in this and he rubbished my profile saying that even Ugly Betty won’t be impressed. He invited trouble and so he had to invest his time to do a makeover on my profile. I briefed him and the AD Campaign came out fine but then Sale is not that exciting. His fees (wedding gift) would be on hold till I achieve my target. He would agree though that I have selflessly passed on many profile IDs to him for consideration and something might work out soon. My pre-condition was that he and his bride would take their vows only when I give a green signal. Till the time I manage a leave, they would have to hold on. Before Shiladitya spills the beans, I might as well inform you that I did raid his shortlist and walked away with few IDs. He did the same but unfortunately for him, my Shortlist was quite short and his was a Directory.

My first impression of Bharat Matrimony was that it is nothing short of HORROR SHOW. I am not commenting on the looks but the cosmetics that cover up the real self in one's profile, whether intentionally or sub-consciously. Firstly, the third picture is what you should go by and don’t fall for what you see at first sight. Secondly, you would find a few girls who are so broad-minded that they want their prospective partner’s income to be anything between ten lakhs and one crore. Then, there are profiles where you find the girl contradicting herself every second sentence. Just think if your wife is behaving that way. Confused Husband makes a marriage peaceful but a confused wife is a recipe for disaster. Most beautiful girls are looking at US as their Sasural and they are hoping that the wedding card turns green soon. I am sure even the male profiles would throw up some funny insights. In all fairness, even the opposite sex must be having issues with a certain percentage of male profiles. But, I have not tried to find such profiles as I don’t need to. Remember, I log in to Search and not to Research. Just a few days back, Shiladitya’s mom also reiterated the same and said that it is really taxing to find a genuinely good profile. The most frustrating part is that every day you get a mail regarding probable matches out of which only a couple would have a photograph. If you like the photograph, you click and you are automatically redirected to the concerned profile. In case you don’t like the profile, you log out. And here begins the fun. You are not logged out completely and instead you are taken to a page with four profile pictures. It so happens that one picture always seems interesting and the moment you click, the whole exercise begins again. Thank God, I did not register for the paid service. Adi……dude, you should continue to be a paid member though. As your friend, I would like you to keep at it and keep me interested as well…lol.

This post won’t be complete if I don’t share an interesting experience that I had recently. While creating my “Partner Preferance”, I forgot to select the appropriate option in CASTE and my profile reflected “CASTE NO BAR”. Adi had gone to my aunt’s place and while he was taking them through my profile, they happened to see this. There was no reaction then but things turned funny when Adi suggested one profile to them. He apparently knew that girl and he was confident that the girl would have been a good match for me. Caste was an issue here though. At night, I received a call from my parents about this girl. They said that I need to be careful while choosing profiles as marriage has a huge social connotation as well. I told them that I do not believe much in caste issues and all I want is a good girl who fits my preferences and who would take good care of them as well. As long as there is good upbringing, compatibility, trust and understanding in marriage, rest doesn’t matter. I told them that nobody would drag me into Saat Pheraas just because I expressed interest in some profile. Bharat Matrimony is just the beginning, commitment is done offline. Net Marriages are yet to take off here. I can’t but the posterity might. I convinced my parents and they got convinced for they realised that I made sense. Happy people make happy society and not vice versa. Since I had never spoken at length with my parents regarding marriage before that day, my lecture set the alarm bells ringing and they thought that THIS WAS A SETUP. Adi’s visit to my aunt’s place was now being viewed as a way to ease the girl into the family. My parents, aunt and uncle tried their best to get something out of me. They couldn’t get anything out of me as I had nothing to hide. That girl was a stranger to me as well. I didn’t pursue the matter further and the girl was not interested either. Few days of strange conversations with parents but “aall is well” now. My father admitted that this was his first experience with online matrimony. I assured him that I will guide him all the way through till I touch his feet with some girl beside me. However, I know that he prefers the conventional mode but can’t help given the preferences that I put down before him. Besides, he does not use internet and so my profile has my aunt’s number.

I am more in sync with my aunt and she has an amazing skill of convincing people. Adi removed my number because he felt I would scare people away by the way I speak. Apparently, you have to be very formal with a girl’s parents initially. In his case, this has worked to an extent. His dad is preparing the ground for him but the poor soul is being scared away by the Girls. He calls up and says “Bhai oi meye taar shonge aar kotha bolbo na” (Bro I am not speaking to that girl again). My aunt and Adi are two people who I can trust with this job and they know their job well. Adi though has to protect his interests as well even though our passwords are known to each other. We believe in team work, I believe in team and he does the work. As for my aunt, I asked her not to let my uncle get that excited. He had started expressing interest to any profile (even those that had no photos) that had the word “Shillong” in PLACE OF BIRTH. Off late though, even Bharat Matrimony has got tired and keeps repeating probable matches. Adi had a couple of shockers and both of us are taking a much needed break now.

Otherwise our telephonic exchanges last couple of months had been only about this girl and that girl. We found it so funny to note the way our conversations had changed over a period of time. Earlier we used to talk about soccer, movies, food, job, girls ofcourse and life in general.  Now our conversation got crunched between BHARAT and MATRIMONY. There is almost paranoia involved. Every action back at home and by family members smell of some conspiracy. My aunt really wanted me to be in Hyderabad for Durga Puja and I sensed something fishy about it. I am going anyways, be it for Pooja or Puja. A couple of days back, my sister enquired with Shiladitya about his cousin sister and he felt that it was for matrimonial purpose again. Marriage is like anaesthesia…you go numb and before you realise, you are done for your life. Still, going under the knife is necessary. (might sound poor but the copyright to the underlined words belong to me...hehehe).

Marriage is inevitable and Bharat Matrimony is an option. Hopefully, some girls will read this blog and upload profiles to express interest online. I have time and anyways it is Adi who is definitely getting married first going by the level of activity back at his home.I have a couple of things planned for his marriage too. It would be fun. Oh Adi you have read this…shit…now you are going to re-direct any interesting profile to me. Fine, I can’t stop you from doing that. Before I close, I would like to share a joke that I heard from my Manager   yesterday. It goes this way………

SON: Papa…..Shaadi mein kitni kharch hoti hain???????

FATHER: Betey…abhi kaise bataaoon…kharch toh chal hi rahi hain!!!!!

ALMEIDA.....SORRY....PAKKA NA...& THE THREE MUSKETEERS...(PART 2).

Well I am back. Whoever has read the first part, I hope you have liked it. If Day 1 was anything to go by then I must add that we had no clue as to how surprising the remaining days were going to be. It was one hell of a Roadtrip. From pure joy to a few unpleasant hiccups along the way, we experienced it all.  But the spirit of the trip was in taking everything in stride and moving ahead in our Joyride. Day 1 over and I woke up as usual before anyone else did.

DAY 2

The day began with me trying to persuade Adi and Ron to get up. But soon things heated up and we had a fight…..A PILLOW FIGHT. We got tired and this meant that it was time for some good Breakfast. Did I use the word “Good”????? As far as I am concerned, any Breakfast is good breakfast if it is available. It started to rain but we were on our way to CHAPORA FORT. The drive was a good one but we lost our way. Goa Police for some reason were very courteous and we were going back to where we had come that far. We were unstoppable Guys and Ron had to push a lot for us to reach where we had to. The car could not take it anymore and it had an asthmatic attack. After some first aid, it was taken back to Calangute. We could not reach Chapora Fort but we managed to have a nice lunch though. A bit of lazing around in the beach and we found ourselves attracting eyes of people who took pity on three Stags. But we had something else in our minds and that was the Car which was supposed to replace the ailing one. Our faith in the popular saying, “Every dark cloud has a silver lining”, got reinforced again as the replacement was much better and it had Stereo as well. Finally, Adi and Ron got to listen to some good music but they kept on insisting that they still preferred my singing. Guys…I love you. I am so emotional that I need to move on. The best option was AGUADA FORT and we were very keen to check that place out after coming across a picture of that place on Google. We went there and enjoyed all the clicks but that picture seemed to be a morphed one. There was nothing like that but we never bothered and headed towards the Lighthouse after some fooling around on the way. We climbed up and the moment the gasp of wind struck us there, we knew this was a special place. The world seemed so beautiful and so calm. Half a day got wasted but it was worth it. Evening set in and Ron took us to INFANTRY. Once a soldier always a soldier but we really found a couple of Bombs there. We survived the mediocre music as our focus was somewhere else. Reached back hotel quite late yet the DELL Brothers had enough time to upload the first set of pictures on Facebook.

DAY 3

I woke up early again but this time I had a trip to DUDHSAGAR WATERFALL in mind. However, the hotel staff informed that incessant rains had made that place inaccessible. In fact, they suggested another waterfall and taking that cue we hit the road. HARAMBOL( or ARAMBOL) WATERFALL can be easily missed as it is off the road and the Goa Tourism Department couldn’t afford a decent Signboard for such spectacular scenery. As we approached the waterfall, we were greeted by the roar of water gushing down the hills. Water was falling like milk and we stood there as mute witnesses to the sheer force of nature on display. Our next destination was CHAPORA FORT and this time we were not going to go back. But we stopped by on our way as we discovered a cave that had no visitors. It was just another cave till that day but now it remains as a witness to the most memorable part of our journey. We went crazy there like three kids jumping around and unmindful of all the issues of life. We shot SINGHAM our way and later that day released for select audience on Facebook. The sight of Chapora Fort brought alive the adventurers within us and we did a good bit of climbing up and down the steep hills. The rocky terrain made it all the more difficult especially for me as I was in my slippers. All that effort was worth it for the Fort provides a fantastic view of the shore line. The best part about these places is that you are far from the maddening crowd. We were quite tired by then and decided to head back to the hotel for some much needed rest. Ron had arranged a dinner invitation for us at his friend’s place and we were more than delighted to accompany him. The dinner was awesome and Desmond and his family are real cool. Post-dinner they took us to ST.ANTHONY’S, a Karaoke Club at Baga Beach and we sang till the dead of the night. We enjoyed singing there and the crowd applauded to the voice of the Three Musketeers. I guess we sing like stars when we have our backs to the audience. It was time to call it a day and we literally had to drag Ron out of the good conversation that he was having with a beautiful Lady and away from his drink.

DAY 4

It was time to leave North Goa behind and head to the southern part of the state. It apparently had the most number of secluded beaches and so we wanted to check that out. However, the picture of AGUADA that attracted our attention a couple of days back still remained fresh in our minds and so while checking out of the hotel, we showed that picture to the hotel staff. They told us that it was by the Taj Resort and so were there at the Taj Resorts within the next half an hour. For a moment I was delighted to see such a large crowd there. It meant that a huge percentage of population has moved up the ladder of affluence. In reality though, half of Gujarat had thought that this was the best (cost-effective) time to visit Aguada Fort Resort. We didn’t want to get lost in the crowd and hence we were soon on our way to PANJIM. After a few clicks at DONA PAULA, we were ready for the religious part of the trip. Old Goa still has the old world charm and hopefully it stays that way. A few moments of prayer in silence at ST.FRANCIS & we were all set for PALOLEM in South Goa. But before that, we had to grab some good lunch. I had been told that MUM’S KITCHEN is a great place and I must say that this is one place which should be there in your itinerary. Racheido was great and Beef Curry was out of the world. It beat the Chilly Beef that I had in Kerela and that was awesome as well. The interiors, ambience, food, service and people especially a couple of them were so wonderful that Adi wanted a different table for himself. We were in for some interesting times then onwards as the next phase of our journey didn’t go as planned. Firstly, Palolem was too “secluded” for us to have any fun and secondly, the hotel sucked big time. Cleopatra was not admirable for once. For God’s sake, there was no free Wi-fi either. We managed that night by playing pool (or was it snooker????).

DAY 5

We decided to move to Panjim at the earliest and in our hurry we forgot to settle our bills at the hotel. We realised soon enough though and went back to the hotel even though we were damn hungry. We ran out of cash and no ATM was in sight. Finally, we found an ICICI Bank ATM at CUNCOLIM and barged into the restaurant that was just opposite. After all this, there was no breakfast on the menu but we were in no mood to walk away even if that meant stuffing ourselves with Chicken Noodles at that time of the day. I am glad that we went there because I have not had such good noodles since I moved out of North-east.  The trip to Palolem might not have been good but the drive was fantastic and highly recommended. Back to Panjim, we stopped by Miramar Residency to find a good hotel and ended up checking into Miramar Residency itself. It’s a decent hotel and facilities are good considering the fact that it’s a Government initiative. Panjim is not that lively as compared to Calangute and Baga. There was not much to do in the evening hours. So we went shopping at the local market. How can it be that Ayan and Adi get together and they don’t go for a movie??? We convinced Ron and three of us were at the Box Office of one of the dullest INOX that you could find. At the counter was a couple who had bought tickets for “SAHI BANDEY, GALAT DHANDEY”. They required three more people to ensure that the Show doesn’t get cancelled. Three of us were God sent for them and we didn’t disappoint them. They suggested a good restaurant named APPA HOUSE, or so we heard. UPPER HOUSE is a great place for food, though Adi found the crab to be crap. Our soldier, however, never wastes anything especially after some Rum on the rocks. Day 5 ended on a good note and we were hopeful that the penultimate day would be memorable as well.

DAY 6

And yeah we won’t forget Day 6 and our trip to TPS Resort ever. It was here that we got to know the difference between “White on Black”, “Yellow on Black” and “Black on Yellow”. It was funny and exciting. Adi especially enjoyed his time and moreover, he got to know how a swimming pool looks like. From there we went back to Candolim where we changed our vehicle and this time we got XYLO as a replacement. Lunch was at “WHAT THE FOOD??” and I had to say “WHAT THE F%@K??”  for GOAN POMFRET VINDALOO. Rest of the food was good though. We reached Panjim back by 5 P.M. and this was a good time to sit on the beach and relax. Ron did relax while Adi and I fooled around in water. The day ended on a great note with a dinner at PAN ASIAN BOWL and then a nice walk with my best buddies where we relived our college days and the best moments from this ROADTRIP. Next day we boarded our flights with the promise that we must get back again soon and perhaps in SIKKIM next time around. I know how we plan and so won’t mind NEPAL, LEH & even THAILAND.

To Adi and Ron, I will cherish these moments lifelong and I hope we get such opportunities off and on. If you guys found my behaviour or words offensive sometimes, I REALLY DO NOT CARE. Goa is a great place but good company is all that matters and both Adi and Ron had one in me…HAHAHA!!!