BEAR-IT (on) MATRIMONY.....!!!!

……“ The kind of girl you want is perhaps going to be damn difficult for us to find. So why don’t you find one for yourself???” That was a cue for me from my Aunt to register on Bharat Matrimony. I have always been hopeless offline and so I thought maybe I should start my hunt for a partner with blessings from Internet Baba. I have always found Matrimony websites funny for some reason. I had seen the plight of a few acquaintances of mine who had ventured into that territory. You are interested in people who are not interested in you and you decline those who are interested in you. I know….ITS CONFUSING. That’s what they told me but I thought that the second part of the sentence was just an after-thought on their part. Anyways, I put in a few lines for myself in a hurry and was ready for the adventure. My friend Shiladitya is more of a seasoned campaigner (with a very bad Strike Rate) in this and he rubbished my profile saying that even Ugly Betty won’t be impressed. He invited trouble and so he had to invest his time to do a makeover on my profile. I briefed him and the AD Campaign came out fine but then Sale is not that exciting. His fees (wedding gift) would be on hold till I achieve my target. He would agree though that I have selflessly passed on many profile IDs to him for consideration and something might work out soon. My pre-condition was that he and his bride would take their vows only when I give a green signal. Till the time I manage a leave, they would have to hold on. Before Shiladitya spills the beans, I might as well inform you that I did raid his shortlist and walked away with few IDs. He did the same but unfortunately for him, my Shortlist was quite short and his was a Directory.

My first impression of Bharat Matrimony was that it is nothing short of HORROR SHOW. I am not commenting on the looks but the cosmetics that cover up the real self in one's profile, whether intentionally or sub-consciously. Firstly, the third picture is what you should go by and don’t fall for what you see at first sight. Secondly, you would find a few girls who are so broad-minded that they want their prospective partner’s income to be anything between ten lakhs and one crore. Then, there are profiles where you find the girl contradicting herself every second sentence. Just think if your wife is behaving that way. Confused Husband makes a marriage peaceful but a confused wife is a recipe for disaster. Most beautiful girls are looking at US as their Sasural and they are hoping that the wedding card turns green soon. I am sure even the male profiles would throw up some funny insights. In all fairness, even the opposite sex must be having issues with a certain percentage of male profiles. But, I have not tried to find such profiles as I don’t need to. Remember, I log in to Search and not to Research. Just a few days back, Shiladitya’s mom also reiterated the same and said that it is really taxing to find a genuinely good profile. The most frustrating part is that every day you get a mail regarding probable matches out of which only a couple would have a photograph. If you like the photograph, you click and you are automatically redirected to the concerned profile. In case you don’t like the profile, you log out. And here begins the fun. You are not logged out completely and instead you are taken to a page with four profile pictures. It so happens that one picture always seems interesting and the moment you click, the whole exercise begins again. Thank God, I did not register for the paid service. Adi……dude, you should continue to be a paid member though. As your friend, I would like you to keep at it and keep me interested as well…lol.

This post won’t be complete if I don’t share an interesting experience that I had recently. While creating my “Partner Preferance”, I forgot to select the appropriate option in CASTE and my profile reflected “CASTE NO BAR”. Adi had gone to my aunt’s place and while he was taking them through my profile, they happened to see this. There was no reaction then but things turned funny when Adi suggested one profile to them. He apparently knew that girl and he was confident that the girl would have been a good match for me. Caste was an issue here though. At night, I received a call from my parents about this girl. They said that I need to be careful while choosing profiles as marriage has a huge social connotation as well. I told them that I do not believe much in caste issues and all I want is a good girl who fits my preferences and who would take good care of them as well. As long as there is good upbringing, compatibility, trust and understanding in marriage, rest doesn’t matter. I told them that nobody would drag me into Saat Pheraas just because I expressed interest in some profile. Bharat Matrimony is just the beginning, commitment is done offline. Net Marriages are yet to take off here. I can’t but the posterity might. I convinced my parents and they got convinced for they realised that I made sense. Happy people make happy society and not vice versa. Since I had never spoken at length with my parents regarding marriage before that day, my lecture set the alarm bells ringing and they thought that THIS WAS A SETUP. Adi’s visit to my aunt’s place was now being viewed as a way to ease the girl into the family. My parents, aunt and uncle tried their best to get something out of me. They couldn’t get anything out of me as I had nothing to hide. That girl was a stranger to me as well. I didn’t pursue the matter further and the girl was not interested either. Few days of strange conversations with parents but “aall is well” now. My father admitted that this was his first experience with online matrimony. I assured him that I will guide him all the way through till I touch his feet with some girl beside me. However, I know that he prefers the conventional mode but can’t help given the preferences that I put down before him. Besides, he does not use internet and so my profile has my aunt’s number.

I am more in sync with my aunt and she has an amazing skill of convincing people. Adi removed my number because he felt I would scare people away by the way I speak. Apparently, you have to be very formal with a girl’s parents initially. In his case, this has worked to an extent. His dad is preparing the ground for him but the poor soul is being scared away by the Girls. He calls up and says “Bhai oi meye taar shonge aar kotha bolbo na” (Bro I am not speaking to that girl again). My aunt and Adi are two people who I can trust with this job and they know their job well. Adi though has to protect his interests as well even though our passwords are known to each other. We believe in team work, I believe in team and he does the work. As for my aunt, I asked her not to let my uncle get that excited. He had started expressing interest to any profile (even those that had no photos) that had the word “Shillong” in PLACE OF BIRTH. Off late though, even Bharat Matrimony has got tired and keeps repeating probable matches. Adi had a couple of shockers and both of us are taking a much needed break now.

Otherwise our telephonic exchanges last couple of months had been only about this girl and that girl. We found it so funny to note the way our conversations had changed over a period of time. Earlier we used to talk about soccer, movies, food, job, girls ofcourse and life in general.  Now our conversation got crunched between BHARAT and MATRIMONY. There is almost paranoia involved. Every action back at home and by family members smell of some conspiracy. My aunt really wanted me to be in Hyderabad for Durga Puja and I sensed something fishy about it. I am going anyways, be it for Pooja or Puja. A couple of days back, my sister enquired with Shiladitya about his cousin sister and he felt that it was for matrimonial purpose again. Marriage is like anaesthesia…you go numb and before you realise, you are done for your life. Still, going under the knife is necessary. (might sound poor but the copyright to the underlined words belong to me...hehehe).

Marriage is inevitable and Bharat Matrimony is an option. Hopefully, some girls will read this blog and upload profiles to express interest online. I have time and anyways it is Adi who is definitely getting married first going by the level of activity back at his home.I have a couple of things planned for his marriage too. It would be fun. Oh Adi you have read this…shit…now you are going to re-direct any interesting profile to me. Fine, I can’t stop you from doing that. Before I close, I would like to share a joke that I heard from my Manager   yesterday. It goes this way………

SON: Papa…..Shaadi mein kitni kharch hoti hain???????

FATHER: Betey…abhi kaise bataaoon…kharch toh chal hi rahi hain!!!!!