Toh HUMLOG waapas aagaye.....it seems. Ok, so here I start the second part of this post by taking you all back to the moment where the need for such a theory emphasized itself and set the ball rolling. It all began when I spelt out the eligibility norms to my parents for search of my partner. They got stumped and told me that I would get out hit wicket and lose a good match. They asked me to try Bharatmatrimony.com to zero down on a girl based on the tough filters that I set. In fact, mishtimoni remarked that only option to come out as winner out of this is to fix the match myself. I laughed at that and then casually registered myself on that site. I hardly took note of my incomplete profile and my approach was rather hyenic as in I would pick up on the profiles shortlisted by poor Adi and shoot bulk invitations. I must have sent hundreds of those and later on, Adi did the same as a way of gaining back the lost ground but he had to make do with a couple at best for I hardly shortlisted anyone. Anyways, soon we forgot about the objective and instead started to have fun over phone discussing all the weird profiles and the unattended mistakes that contradicted the claims made by many. Those discussions had influenced one of my earlier posts as well. Here's the link:
http://www.ayanzthoughtspace.blogspot.in/2011/09/bear-it-on-matrimony.html
My casual approach though didn't go down too well with my mother as by oversight, I had retained the default option "CASTE NO BAR" on my profile in the column meant for preferred partner's caste. My parents thought that I had actually fixed the match then and this profile error was just a way to accommodate some girl to whom I had sent an invitation like I did to hundred others. What had happened was that Adi had visited my Mamaji's house in Hyderabad and he had shown them my profile as I wanted them to check it out as well. But that move backfired and I was shortly summoned by the Home Minister to explain myself and during that conversation, they came out with these "magic" words...."Ayan if you find a bride for yourself, we will not raise any objections but if we initiate any proposal then that would surely be in conformity with our caste and community requirements". I laughed and then said ok. Adi soon got the information that he had to repair my profile immediately. In hindsight, those words of my parents were like magic words indeed as soon after that door of destiny opened where I met my future wife.
What happened after that was like a strike of lightning and in a matter of days, shockingly, there was someone in my life to fill that "void"(what the hell....actually there was no void or atleast, I was too busy with life to take any note of that). We took a little time ( Adi would say..."Are you kidding??? ... Bro...'little time' would be an exaggeration of time in your case") to decide if we wanted to get married to each other and till then we had taken the conscious stand to keep the Bharatmatrimony or the traditional matrimony options open as well. Soon, we did not need to look at these options and I had actually managed to fix the match. I was invited over to her house and her mother tried to woo me with "idli" for a late breakfast as I landed up in Chandigarh. Now, my friends and relatives would know that idli on my plate is as good as "beef" on a Brahmin's plate(not my kinda Brahmin I mean). Initially, it was almost as difficult as Ram's task of breaking that "Bow" but I managed to break off a piece of idli and put it in my mouth. I still don't know whether I was too hungry or that was not authentic idli or for that matter, love numbed my taste buds but I liked what I ate. Yeh sochne pe bhi ajeeb lagta ab ki ek punjabi saans ne apne bangaali damaad ko South Indian idli khilwaake phaas liya....lol. She was not done and and then she brought out her "Ace of Spades"-a nice fish curry in dinner. Mullah ki daud masjid tak hi hain aur yeh bangaali itney mahino baad fish khaake toh paglaa gaya tha. Only thing that remained was to break the news to my parents. But, before that let me board the bus out of Chandigarh towards Gurgaon first. Flashback toh proper hona chahiye na!!!!
Alright, I have reached Gurgaon now and ready to proceed with the story. I had gone on training and spent my day in the classroom thinking about ways to break the news to my parents. I didn't even have my cousin, Mr.Arnab Goswami's number otherwise TIMES NOW would have been a good mode considering my father's love for News and their fixation with any thing that is worth breaking. In case you are wondering, his dad and Baba are BHAIs.....HINDUSTANI BHAIs...to be specific. However, the opportunity presented itself later that evening when Mishtimoni called up to discuss a marriage proposal and I blurted out the whole thing thinking desperate times call for desperate measures. She said that she was fine but then the question was. Who will bell the cat???? I promptly replied "you and who else...don't you remember that Brahmastra that I have against you?????". She laughed and said that she would first talk to Mamaji and then find a way to talk to my parents. I know she would have anyways done that but still it lightened up the tense moment.
Surely, I received a call from Baba and he asked in his most serious tone...."Kita shunlaam bey???" (What did I hear???) and then there was deep silence. I was hoping that he would himself start talking but then he never dropped any hint and we concluded the call after discussing ten other topics. For a moment, I was as confused as crazy and checked with Mishtimoni if she had spoken to him at all. She said that she did. I then called up Ma this time and the first thing I told her was that see I have always been the "good boy" and had stayed away from home for number of years and conducted myself in the way with the values I was brought up with. Immediately after that emotional lecture, I asked her..."Ma, if I have taken this decision then I am sure you know that I would have considered every possible angle....so do you trust me when I say that this is the right one for me????". Her response was-"Kintu amra je hindi koitey paari na aar taai je Bangla jaane na....aamra kotha kemney koimu???" (We speak hindi hardly and she does not know Bengali. In a home, communication is very important and so how would we be able to talk to each other properly????). I knew straightaway that she wasn't against my choice but her concerns were more "operational" and understandable as well. I told her that it is an opportunity to teach each other and I will collect the fees from both the parties. Amazingly, my parents had agreed without even meeting the girl; just based on the trust that they had on me. And I felt blessed to have parents who are so free thinkers that they never let any issue come in the way of this relationship getting cemented with exchange of marriage vows. I am really proud of them for they treated every issue on its merit and were objective and wise enough to gauge the culture, values and honesty of an unknown girl and her family. The same goes for my mother-in-law as well and when I look back at that day in Chandigarh, it was neither the idli nor the fish curry but her warmth and love that did the trick. Aisi saans ki beti koi aur hoti toh bhi chalti....kyun Gul???
With help from Mishtimoni and Adi, I had sorted out all the issues that cropped up time and again to challenge our conviction in the whole process. Now, the next level was ENGAGEMENT. More than the ceremony, this occassion had a far greater bearing on the future of the relationship. It was the first time the two families were going to meet. Baba made it clear that the "Ashirbaad" ceremony had to happen during that visit itself as it would have been difficult for them to travel again. I wanted to tell him that no it is better to take some time and not to rush things but he was in a greater hurry to get me married. Being the most obedient child that I am, I surrendered before his wish...lol. Ma had to miss the ceremony due to my sister needing someone to be there with her especially with our CHOTABHEEM (my niece) getting naughtier by the day. So the date of 4th December was fixed for both "Ashirbaad" and "Roka" and Baba along with his trusted comrades headed for Chandigarh with all the good stuff to be giifted to the girl. Baba did not even care to buy one chocolate for me. Ab Bahu betey se zyada important joh ho gayi thi....itni saalo ka pyar kuch dino mein unho ne bhula diya. He brought a cholcolate for Gul yesterday as well and that too the "fruit and nut" one knowing fully well that I do not like those. Log badal jaate hain...rishtey bhi badal jaatey hain. Ironically, once they landed in Delhi, that suitcase containing the goodies was handed over to me for safe keeping.
And yeah there was only one demand that me father had and which my in-laws had to take care. A piece of fish had to be arranged for the ceremony and I could hardly contain my laugh when I saw that fish occupying a prominent spot amongst all the other provisions arranged for the ceremony. It was "Tengra", a small fish of about 7 inches length and 150-200 grams in weight. Till that date I had only seen fishes of minimum 2 kilograms being used for this ceremony. He had been skeptical about the possible outcome of the task given by him to his "Sambdhan" considering the food habits of people in Chandigarh but he was very relieved to find one in the plate. He could understand the effort put in by her and his confidence in this relationship jumped up spectacularly and there was no looking back since then. They are best buddies now and Ma has been preparing the best fish preparations for her every second day. I am happy as I get my share too.
The interesting moment was when he wanted to pay for that fish and he decided to use sign language to cover up for his command over hindi. With a smile on his face, he signaled with the fingers just as one would do to flip a coin. And the look in the faces of "ladkiwaale" turned pale as they interpreted the signal as demand for "Dowry". I had to jump in quickly and clear the air immediately. Later on at the hotel we laughed our hearts out when Baba put his hands on his head and remarked "OH HO!!!" The next day they left and I took Adi to Shimla as that was his long time wish. That night we had a dinner invitation at my sasural. Gul did a nice job in the kitchen pretending to cook and by the time the dinner ended, my "firangi fiancee" had discarded spoon and fork. We said "Welcome to the family" and left for our respective destinations.
The marriage dates were fixed for the month of May after the usual "tug of war" that is part and parcel of every matrimonial alliance. The challenge was to seamlessly merge the ceremonies so that no side felt that their rituals were not properly followed. In Bengali marriages, the girl leaves her parental home on the next day after marriage while in Punjabi culture, the pack-up happens on the day of marriage itself. This management guru did a wonderful job and decided the dates in such a way that everything worked out perfect. May 12th-Bengali Wedding and May 13th-Punjabi wedding. So that meant that the bride could start the journey for a new life in sync with the rituals of the respective cultures. The journey part sounds good but planning it was one hell of a task. I did not want the marriage to happen in Shillong as that would have meant all the burden had fallen on Baba and so "Shubho Chatuthomongol" (i.e. Reception) was shifted to Mishtimoni's house in Kolkata. That was perfect for me in view of my limited leaves and I was able to visit the place as well to personally arrange the function under Mesho's guidance and with Bob's help. The Olympic contingent(read Baraatis) had to be finalised for the tickets to be booked and with great difficulty the list was ready to be presented at the Railway Reservation Counter. Tickets were booked but reservations for the return journey were not confirmed. The uncertainty did not matter to anyone at that point for the sight of me getting married in Chandigarh in two different ceremonies had eclipsed very other thought.
I do take this opportunity to apologize to people whom I didn't invite. I knew it was going to be a hell of a task to manage with so many people in an unknown environment where I did not have any one known to fall back upon in case anything went wrong. Inviting people beyond the closest circle was not a wise decision for sure and I exactly did that though I might have offended a few in the process. And my nature is such that I could not invite people just for the sake of inviting. I thought it was better to be cursed for being rude rather than inviting people to a place where you yourself are not sure about the arrangements. However, everything went off well and it seems that God was on duty for those few days. Otherwise how would one explain this???? Gul and her mother went shopping one fine day to Sector 17 and in the course of casual conversation, the shopkeeper got to know about the marriage and the Bengali groom. He introduced them to a Bengali who owned a boutique and believe it or not everything got taken care of from the stay to the Bengali marriage rituals and catering arrangements for a full course Bengali dinner. Those people were God sent and we would be ever grateful to them. The arrangements might not have been perfect but the best part about family is that no one bothers about these things in the midst of celebrations.
This post is not going to end it seems and infact the most adventurous part of the celebrations is yet to be shared. Let me extend this post to a third part and will come back and take you straight to the day of my wedding in Chandigarh. Till then let all my friends and relatives get ready to board the trains from various cities of India while I myself prepare for my journey away from one station of life to another. You guys give you eyes some rest now and there are other things in life as well apart from my Blog. Don't miss out on those...lol!!!!!
Its Samdhan. nt Sambhdhan.!!! ;-) :D
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