UMMMMMMMMMMMMM...AADMI PARTY!!!!!

It is well past midnight and Mr.Kejriwal and his team are perhaps still thinking about their role in the Delhi Assembly. By the time they come out with their decision, hopefully my post would be out for my readers to read. Funnily, my readers and the AAM AADMI PARTY (AAP) have something in common. One group is RELUCTANT TO READ & the other is RELUCTANT TO LEAD. My readers can be coaxed or even emotionally blackmailed into reading whatever I write, just as the AAP leaders need their strings to be pulled by the Aam Aadmi.

The AAP apparently has been gathering referendum in order to take a call on forming the Government in Delhi. They held 272 Jansabhas in Delhi yesterday seeking public opinion on their next course of action. While the residents of those 272 wards turned up to redirect the lost ship towards the destination, the wily old politicians would have been enjoying the show and laughing out loud at this "stage fright" being exhibited by a group of people on whose lofty visions the public had put faith in. Mr.Kejriwal may continue to say "hum Aam Aadmi Party hain. Joh janta chahegi, hum wahi karenge" but I have a reason to believe that this reluctance to form the Government stems from something else and not mere respect for public opinion. 

The election result in Delhi was ground breaking and it was nice to know that citizens had the conviction to come out in large numbers and vote against mediocrity, status quo & bad governance (not necessarily in Delhi but by Congress in general). The fact that they voted for AAP implies that the "corruption free governance" promised by this new party struck a chord with the Aam Aadmi. Last year, when Mr.Kejriwal and his team charted their own course with the modus operandi of "Name & Shame", the existing political parties grew insecure and afraid for there was an imminent threat of all the dark secrets being spilled out in public domain. They shrewdly asked Mr.Kejriwal to get into politics and clean the system from within instead of just mud slinging from outside. All that was wrong with the political and bureaucratic system was evident to us as well; and we were looking for a new option on that electronic voting machine which according to us would stand for the all the virtues that make any nation a proud one. Mr.Kejriwal floated the AAM AADMI PARTY then and his party automatically fitted into that image of an honest party that fights the evil. There was an immediate emotional connect as all the frustrations of the common man translated into support for AAP. 

Mr.Kejriwal subsequently decided to put his party to the ultimate political test in Delhi with promises that seemed too idealistic but nevertheless tempting for an honest voter to vote in their favour. Congress got routed while BJP fell short of the half way mark. But AAP pleasantly surprised all of us by winning 28 seats. BJP cannot come together with Congress and so it expectedly played its political card by not coming forward to form the Government and as a result, the onus of forming the Government fell on AAP. Congress, in the meanwhile, sensed an opportunity to stay in power and hence offered its support to the AAP. Political gains may drive parties like Congress and BJP to act in a certain manner but it stumped me to find the AAP shying away from taking up the responsibility which was bestowed upon it by the citizens. 

But now it is obvious that AAP is feeling the jitters when the time has come to actually take control of the ship. We are not dumb to fall for the "JANSABHA CIRCUS". When people had voted for the AAP, they voted for AAP(the ruling party) & not for the AAP(the opposition party). No voter votes for someone unless he/she has a vision of his/her "candidate of choice" in power. Mr.Kejriwal is intelligent enough to understand that every vote that it received was a mandate from people to rule Delhi and fulfill those promises. This is an insult to the electorate and the Election Commission should recover the costs of holding the election from the concerned parties should there be a re-election. We just cannot let public money be wasted in such futile exercises.

The dominant thought on my mind is that AAP has miscalculated its capabilities and hence it is dragging its feet now. They wanted to create a splash in the water and are now faced with a Tsunami instead. A partnership with BJP(the single largest party) would restrict their flight while getting into bed with Congress would be bad for their image.  They have reached a point of not return now. In hindsight, they should have declared their political ambition a lot earlier to mobilise more support. They would do well to start early in other states for the ensuing General Elections in 2014. 

They are under-prepared to run the Capital and understandably so. Good intentions do not imply good administration and here the seasoned politicians would agree with me. "Aasman se girey, aur khajur mein atkey" and the irony is that there won't be a second opportunity if they let this one go. My worry is that now there is a greater chance of poor governance given the inexperience and reluctance. And that would give a chance to the existing political parties to get back at them. Moreover, taming Congress and keeping it under check would be a task in itself should they opt for a coalition. A coalition with the BJP would have been better towards the achievement of their objectives and cornering Congress but going by pure numbers, there would be more bargaining power in coalition with the Congress. All THE BEST to this promising party and hopefully power and political engagements do not corrupt the so-called A FEW GOOD MEN & WOMEN!!!

NOW PLAN YOUR OWN WEDDING....AYANZ "BY FLUKE" THEORY....PART 3!!!

On the 10th of May, as the Mandor Express slowly came to a halt at New Delhi railway Station, I could see Ranbir waiting for me on the platform. We planned to leave for Chandigarh together and had hired a cab which was waiting for us but at the wrong Exit though. After a number of calls trying to locate our "rath" for the "yatra"; we got into the right cab and headed towards Chandigarh. Our first task was to examine the arrangements made for accommodation of the Baraatis who would start reaching Chandigarh in batches the very next day. After a tiring journey and a heavy lunch, we were in no mood to get down to business and knowing  that our "Jawaan" would doze off, I dragged him out into the streets for house hunting. This task had suddenly become number one on my priority list because while we were on our way to Chandigarh, I got the news that my transfer to Chandigarh had materialized. I had come to know about this development well in advance but was not sure about the timing of the order. But my "love" for Jodhpur forced me to pack all my stuff without waiting for the announcement and carry with me to Chandigarh all that I had accumulated in my nomadic existence in the last few years. My luggage needed an address and I wanted to do away with my checklist at the earliest. This little afternoon exercise seemed futile at the end as all we got were only mobile numbers and all of those were of shrewd and boring broker "uncles". Before Ron could hurl abuses at me, I promised to take him to the wise Old Monk at night. Trust me, nothing pleased him more then. 

Now a days though, he prefers to go and see that monk only if his psychologist accompanies him. It seems that the Psychologist too "enjoys" the company of wise people like Old Monk or Teachers. "Ram milaye Jodi....ek Bewra kya kam tha...joh usko mil gayi Bewri"....hehehehe. This couple is living their blissful married life and capturing each moment frame by frame. Good to see them enjoy themselves. Yeh dekh ke doston ka dil "Garden Garden" ho jaata hain!!!! Apparently they have gone to the city of love seeking some DOPE and after that they plan to wash away their sins before the POPE.

Anyways, there is not enough space to squeeze in any other story and so let me get back to the subject of this post. That evening, we inspected the venue and realised the we couldn't get a better place than what had been arranged for stay and marriage. The place was nothing great but the words "Bongo Bhawan" were reassuring enough in a beautiful but strange city, where people seem to know more about their neighbours' cars and less about their neighbours. The arrangements had more or less been taken care of by two wonderful "Probashi Bangaali" strangers, Milan Da and Sameer Da who were commanding their subordinates as if it was the wedding of someone in their family itself. In fact they went an extra mile to make sure that the wedding remained true to its Bengali roots. 

Next day morning I was woken up by the ring of my phone and the voice on the other end instructed me to reach some place within an hour if I did not want to lose out on a good house available on rent. I left Ron in the hotel and at 7.30 in the morning, I sealed the deal and paid the advance. I was damn happy and proud of myself as my previous house hunting experiences were nothing short of harrowing. We spent the day roaming around in Sector 17, watched a movie as well perhaps and returned back to the base to check if the catering guys had started working there. This was the evening when the groom normally enjoys the pampering but this poor groom instead was waiting on the platform along the tracks trying to find some rhythm in the "Chugh Chugh" music from the trains. The bride, on the other hand, was busy dancing to the latest tracks on the platform specially created for the Lady Sangeet celebrations in some upscale hotel unmindful of the hardwork being put up by her life partner just to get married. The first set of Baraatis had reached and I could see Adi flashing his teeth to catch our attention. I could see lot of Bags had come for my wedding and every couple had one Baraati with them. I smiled as I realised that this is a familiar sight when women are involved. After ensuring that every Bag had been accounted for, we escorted the Baraatis back to the Bongo Bhawan where everyone settled in nicely. 

Meanwhile I handpicked talented people(including Baba) from the group that gathered there and rushed to Kalibari to catch hold of the priest who had promised to get me married. This was a tense moment as all our preparations were based on the assurance that he had given a few months back over the phone. While Baba was discussing the SOP with the priest, I raided the temple canteen and got ourselves some delicious mishti doi. The final task was to go back to the station to receive the remaining Baraatis amongst whom was one Mr.Bob, the livewire in the family. Suddenly it seemed that I was not nervous anymore in that strange setting and there was a sense of confidence within me that the next couple of days would be full of fun and happiness. 

12th May, 2013 was like just another day for so many people but the rising Sun signified the start of a new phase of my life. I started the day by taking Mishtimoni, Bodomamu and the bunch of "monkeys" (Adi, Ron, Bob, Abhi and TANIA) along to show the house that I got on rent. Thanks to Boromamu's nationwide network of friends and colleagues, we were tortured with a strange mix of "Lime Rooh Afza" at one such colleague's house and probably this drove my "opportunistic" friends to whisk the "Bhanjaa" away for some sort of Bachelor Party at a nearby pub as a punishment for his Mama's wrongdoings....!!! They drank and ate while I was sitting there waiting to loosen my wallet as and when the moment arrived. The moment did arrive but it was well past the lunch timings. I was the only one who returned hungry as the mere sight of my friends shamelessly tearing into the chicken and pork could not satiate my hunger. 

All the waiting, so much of patience, so many conversations, lot many arguments, a number of tough decisions,lot of convincing and a near perfect execution......yeah the special moment was only a couple of hours away. I thought that it was time to forget all that and peacefully enjoy the last moments of Bachelorhood and get ready to tie the knot. Before that I had to tie my dhoti first though and this thought was making me nervous. But just as I was about to get ready, I had to rush to sector 17 for I had forgotten to pick up gift for "Saala" (Not the "Kamina" types if I may add). And we took a liking to the UCB store there and ended up spending more than an hour there. When we reached back the venue, the Bride had already arrived. Ron told me "yaar tujhe dekh ke lag hi nahi raha ki tera shaadi ho raha hain". I replied "Mujhe bhi nahi lag raha".....hehehehe!!!

The wedding ceremony was short and sweet. The priest tried to get me married into the T-Series family but my "33.26% downloaded wife" corrected him immediately. She could not do anything about her papa though as he was giving her hand away in marriage through specially written piece of mantra that was a funny cocktail of French and Latin. In the midst of all this, I was busy showing off that I understood every bit of "pundarikakshya purakakashya" even though I was preoccupied with the lady in the red benarasi sitting beside me. The day ended with us getting married in Bengali tradition and now it was time to get ready for the sequel with Punjabi tadka slated to take place the very next day. I could do nothing as my wife was being taken away just to be presented before me as my future wife the following day again. "Saala Bakra do do baar halal hua". The night went by as I took advantage of my "quasi-married" status and enjoyed an impromptu get-together with friends and Jijaji. The three hour long ridiculous discussion just centered around the date of 31st July, 2012 and repetition of the following words........"Lekin July 31st hi kyun???"!!!

Sunday morning brought about a change in the venue and the Baraat reached the Sunpark Hotel. The Sun had actually parked itself there as I found out when every Baraati decided to run for cover. I was deserted in that furnace of a car with a "flower vase" on my head for a "sehra" and fancy ethnic suit made of a fabric as heavy as that of a "shamiaana" . The cruel gang of Bouncers(saalis and Bhabis) still didn't care and I had to pay 5.00 lac paise to get a stag entry. While the others would have turned back from the Gate, I fought the odds and ate a laddu made out of chilly powder so that the poor girl does not lose out on a gem of a human being. They even stole my sandal and even though I could have stopped the thief yet I didn't care as "jijaji ka juta bhi saale ke liye ashirwaad hota hain"...lol. The havan started and this time my father fumbled his way through the process while Gul and I were wondering whether we would get double the amount of gifts for the fact that we took fourteen pheras instead of seven. While all of us were counting pheras, the bunch of monkeys were counting pegs somewhere else in the city. 

The two day test match got over by the evening and I drove away with my prize. Of course I had to retire as well after this match winning effort for it rendered me unavailable for other tournaments. But that was the idea...wasn't it??? The theory ends here and apologies for an outrageously lengthy one again. In case you opened your eyes just now, the key to successfully planning one's own wedding is to never lose sight of the prize. And that prize is not the girl alone but the happiness for all in the family. That is the the secret behind the success of this theory. All the best to all those who are busy putting my "By Fluke" Theory into Practice......Papad belnaa sikhlo bhai log!!!

STILL PLANNING YOUR OWN WEDDING....AYANZ "BY FLUKE" THEORY....PART 2!!!

Toh HUMLOG waapas aagaye.....it seems. Ok, so here I start the second part of this post by taking you all back to the moment where the need for such a theory emphasized itself and set the ball rolling. It all began when I spelt out the eligibility norms to my parents for search of my partner. They got stumped and told me that I would get out hit wicket and lose a good match. They asked me to try Bharatmatrimony.com to zero down on a girl based on the tough filters that I set. In fact, mishtimoni remarked that only option to come out as winner out of this is to fix the match myself. I laughed at that and then casually registered myself on that site. I hardly took note of my incomplete profile and my approach was rather hyenic as in I would pick up on the profiles shortlisted by poor Adi and shoot bulk invitations. I must have sent hundreds of those and later on, Adi did the same as a way of gaining back the lost ground but he had to make do with a couple at best for I hardly shortlisted anyone. Anyways, soon we forgot about the objective and instead started to have fun over phone discussing all the weird profiles and the unattended mistakes that contradicted the claims made by many. Those discussions had influenced one of my earlier posts as well. Here's the link:

http://www.ayanzthoughtspace.blogspot.in/2011/09/bear-it-on-matrimony.html

My casual approach though didn't go down too well with my mother as by oversight, I had retained the default option "CASTE NO BAR" on my profile in the column meant for preferred partner's caste. My parents thought that I had actually fixed the match then and this profile error was just a way to accommodate some girl to whom I had sent an invitation like I did to hundred others. What had happened was that Adi had visited my Mamaji's house in Hyderabad and he had shown them my profile as I wanted them to check it out as well. But that move backfired and I was shortly summoned by the Home Minister to explain myself and during that conversation, they came out with these "magic" words...."Ayan if you find a bride for yourself, we will not raise any objections but if we initiate any proposal then that would surely be in conformity with our caste and community requirements". I laughed and then said ok. Adi soon got the information that he had to repair my profile immediately. In hindsight, those words of my parents were like magic words indeed as soon after that door of destiny opened where I met my future wife.

What happened after that was like a strike of lightning and in a matter of days, shockingly, there was someone in my life to fill that "void"(what the hell....actually there was no void or atleast, I was too busy with life to take any note of that). We took a little time ( Adi would say..."Are you kidding??? ... Bro...'little time' would be an exaggeration of time in your case") to decide if we wanted to get married to each other and till then we had taken the conscious stand to keep the Bharatmatrimony or the traditional matrimony options open as well. Soon, we did not need to look at these options and I had actually managed to fix the match. I was invited over to her house and her mother tried to woo me with "idli" for a late breakfast as I landed up in Chandigarh. Now, my friends and relatives would know that idli on my plate is as good as "beef" on a Brahmin's plate(not my kinda Brahmin I mean). Initially, it was almost as difficult as Ram's task of breaking that "Bow" but I managed to break off a piece of idli and put it in my mouth. I still don't know whether I was too hungry or that was not authentic idli or for that matter, love numbed my taste buds but I liked what I ate. Yeh sochne pe bhi ajeeb lagta ab ki ek punjabi saans ne apne bangaali damaad ko South Indian idli khilwaake phaas liya....lol. She was not done and and then she brought out her "Ace of Spades"-a nice fish curry in dinner. Mullah ki daud masjid tak hi hain aur yeh bangaali itney mahino baad fish khaake toh paglaa gaya tha. Only thing that remained was to break the news to my parents. But, before that let me board the bus out of Chandigarh towards Gurgaon first. Flashback toh proper hona chahiye na!!!!

Alright, I have reached Gurgaon now and ready to proceed with the story. I had gone on training and spent my day in the classroom thinking about ways to break the news to my parents. I didn't even have my cousin, Mr.Arnab Goswami's number otherwise TIMES NOW would have been a good mode considering my father's love for News and their fixation with any thing that is worth breaking. In case you are wondering, his dad and Baba are BHAIs.....HINDUSTANI BHAIs...to be specific. However, the opportunity presented itself later that evening when Mishtimoni called up to discuss a marriage proposal and I blurted out the whole thing thinking desperate times call for desperate measures. She said that she was fine but then the question was. Who will bell the cat???? I promptly replied "you and who else...don't you remember that Brahmastra that I have against you?????". She laughed and said that she would first talk to Mamaji and then find a way to talk to my parents. I know she would have anyways done that but still it lightened up the tense moment.

Surely, I received a call from Baba and he asked in his most serious tone...."Kita shunlaam bey???" (What did I hear???) and then there was deep silence. I was hoping that he would himself start talking but then he never dropped any hint and we concluded the call after discussing ten other topics. For a moment, I was as confused as crazy and checked with Mishtimoni if she had spoken to him at all. She said that she did. I then called up Ma this time and the first thing I told her was that see I have always been the "good boy" and had stayed away from home for number of years and conducted myself in the way with the values I was brought up with. Immediately after that emotional lecture, I asked her..."Ma, if I have taken this decision then I am sure you know that I would have considered every possible angle....so do you trust me when I say that this is the right one for me????". Her response was-"Kintu amra je hindi koitey paari na aar taai je Bangla jaane na....aamra kotha kemney koimu???" (We speak hindi hardly and she does not know Bengali. In a home, communication is very important and so how would we be able to talk to each other properly????). I knew straightaway that she wasn't against my choice but her concerns were more "operational" and understandable as well. I told her that it is an opportunity to teach each other and I will collect the fees from both the parties. Amazingly, my parents had agreed without even meeting the girl; just based on the trust that they had on me. And I felt blessed to have parents who are so free thinkers that they never let any issue come in the way of this relationship getting cemented with exchange of marriage vows. I am really proud of them for they treated every issue on its merit and were objective and wise enough to gauge the culture, values and honesty of an unknown girl and her family. The same goes for my mother-in-law as well and when I look back at that day in Chandigarh, it was neither the idli nor the fish curry but her warmth and love that did the trick. Aisi saans ki beti koi aur hoti toh bhi chalti....kyun Gul???

With help from Mishtimoni and Adi, I had sorted out all the issues that cropped up time and again to challenge our conviction in the whole process. Now, the next level was ENGAGEMENT. More than the ceremony, this occassion had a far greater bearing on the future of the relationship. It was the first time the two families were going to meet. Baba made it clear that the "Ashirbaad" ceremony had to happen during that visit itself as it would have been difficult for them to travel again. I wanted to tell him that no it is better to take some time and not to rush things but he was in a greater hurry to get me married. Being the most obedient child that I am, I surrendered before his wish...lol. Ma had to miss the ceremony due to my sister needing someone to be there with her especially with our CHOTABHEEM (my niece) getting naughtier by the day. So the date of 4th December was fixed for both "Ashirbaad" and "Roka" and Baba along with his trusted comrades headed for Chandigarh with all the good stuff to be giifted to the girl. Baba did not even care to buy one chocolate for me. Ab Bahu betey se zyada important joh ho gayi thi....itni saalo ka pyar kuch dino mein unho ne bhula diya. He brought a cholcolate for Gul yesterday as well and that too the "fruit and nut" one knowing fully well that I do not like those. Log badal jaate hain...rishtey bhi badal jaatey hain. Ironically, once they landed in Delhi, that suitcase containing the goodies was handed over to me for safe keeping.

And yeah there was only one demand that me father had and which my in-laws had to take care. A piece of fish had to be arranged for the ceremony and I could hardly contain my laugh when I saw that fish occupying a prominent spot amongst all the other provisions arranged for the ceremony. It was "Tengra", a small fish of about 7  inches length and 150-200 grams in weight. Till that date I had only seen fishes of minimum 2 kilograms being used for this ceremony. He had been skeptical about the possible outcome of the task given by him to his "Sambdhan" considering the food habits of people in Chandigarh but he was very relieved to find one in the plate. He could understand the effort put in by her and his confidence in this relationship jumped up spectacularly and there was no looking back since then. They are best buddies now and Ma has been preparing the best fish preparations for her every second day. I am happy as I get my share too.

The interesting moment was when he wanted to pay for that fish and he decided to use sign language to cover up for his command over hindi. With a smile on his face, he signaled with the fingers just as one would do to flip a coin. And the look in the faces of "ladkiwaale" turned pale as they interpreted the signal as demand for "Dowry". I had to jump in quickly and clear the air immediately. Later on at the hotel we laughed our hearts out when Baba put his hands on his head and remarked "OH HO!!!" The next day they left and I took Adi to Shimla as that was his long time wish. That night we had a dinner invitation at my sasural. Gul did a nice job in the kitchen pretending to cook and by the time the dinner ended, my "firangi fiancee" had discarded spoon and fork. We said "Welcome to the family" and left for our respective destinations.

The marriage dates were fixed for the month of May after the usual "tug of war" that is part and parcel of every matrimonial alliance. The challenge was to seamlessly merge the ceremonies so that no side felt that their rituals were not properly followed. In Bengali marriages, the girl leaves her parental home on the next day after marriage while in Punjabi culture, the pack-up happens on the day of marriage itself. This management guru did a wonderful job and decided the dates in such a way that everything worked out perfect. May 12th-Bengali Wedding and May 13th-Punjabi wedding. So that meant that the bride could start the journey for a new life in sync with the rituals of the respective cultures. The journey part sounds good but planning it was one hell of a task. I did not want the marriage to happen in Shillong as that would have meant all the burden had fallen on Baba and so "Shubho Chatuthomongol" (i.e. Reception) was shifted to Mishtimoni's house in Kolkata. That was perfect for me in view of my limited leaves and I was able to visit the place as well to personally arrange the function under Mesho's guidance and with Bob's help. The Olympic contingent(read Baraatis) had to be finalised for the tickets to be booked and with great difficulty the list was ready to be presented at the Railway Reservation Counter. Tickets were booked but reservations for the return journey were not confirmed. The uncertainty did not matter to anyone at that point for the sight of me getting married in Chandigarh in two different ceremonies had eclipsed very other thought.

I do take this opportunity to apologize to people whom I didn't invite. I knew it was going to be a hell of a task to manage with so many people in an unknown environment where I did not have any one known to fall back upon in case anything went wrong. Inviting people beyond the closest circle was not a wise decision for sure and I exactly did that though I might have offended a few in the process. And my nature is such that I could not invite people just for the sake of inviting. I thought it was better to be cursed for being rude rather than inviting people to a place where you yourself are not sure about the arrangements. However, everything went off well and it seems that God was on duty for those few days. Otherwise how would one explain this???? Gul and her mother went shopping one fine day to Sector 17 and in the course of casual conversation, the shopkeeper got to know about the marriage and the Bengali groom. He introduced them to a Bengali who owned a boutique and believe it or not everything got taken care of from the stay to the Bengali marriage rituals and catering arrangements for a full course Bengali dinner. Those people were God sent and we would be ever grateful to them. The arrangements might not have been perfect but the best part about family is that no one bothers about these things in the midst of celebrations.

This post is not going to end it seems and infact the most adventurous part of the celebrations is yet to be shared. Let me extend this post to a third part and will come back and take you straight to the day of my wedding in Chandigarh. Till then let all my friends and relatives get ready to board the trains from various cities of India while I myself prepare for my journey away from one station of life to another. You guys give you eyes some rest now and there are other things in life as well apart from my Blog. Don't miss out on those...lol!!!!!

PLANNING YOUR OWN WEDDING......AYANZ "BY FLUKE THEORY" ON ARRANGEMENT OF LOVE MARRIAGE!!!

HEE HEE HEE HEE....(Battisi dikhaake)....may I point out that one wonderful year has passed since this brilliant management theory was successfully put into practice by the self-proclaimed Management Guru. No I am not talking about Mr.Arindam Choudhary...I believe he has never proclaimed it himself. I am talking about Mr.Ayan Goswami. For the students of this science, who aspire to toe a similar line or more importantly, may find themselves at such crossroads, here is a piece of writing on how this theory works. This Theory is based on the fundamental principle of co-ordination between key players through a focussed approach towards the set goals. The success of this theory is primarily dependent on the directing and monitoring ability of the leader. This might not work in everyone's case due to varied reason like the managing skills of the leader, efficiency of the key players, God's interest levels and ofcourse TQ(Tolerance Quotient) which again is a matter of luck.

The Guy and the girl meet, fall in love and decide to get married. Sounds easy....right???? Wait the fun just begins here....!!! Planning a wedding in Indian context has always been a tricky and challenging task keeping in view the diverse culture. The SOP of wedding changes from house to house. The arrangement of arranged marriages also do not have 100% success ratio and the record of Love marriages is far worse in India. The complicacy here was at a much higher level. Convincing all the non-hindi speaking family members in North-East of India to arrange a proper social marriage between their Bengali son with a hindi speaking Punjabi girl based in Chandigarh, without being able to meet the girl or her family. It sounded scary when this task was carried out like a video game with the difficulty level increasing at each stage. The smooth transition from bachelorhood to that of a married one required mastering the unpredictable variables at play. In hindsight, I must admit that I had some strengths which proved handy in the success of this theory and so should be the case with anyone. Having strengths is not enough though but the key is to make optimum use of those. Let me highlight the strengths that helped me juggle all the unpredictabilities and come out with a PERFECT ACT!!!

Firstly, my relatives had the image of a "Bhola Bhala Ladka" of mine in their minds thanks to me actually being that way. Just to prove a point...here's my favourite question..."Duniya Gol Kyun Hoti Hain????". So it came as a shocker when one fine day they heard it from my parents. Whenever someone elderly remarks "Tui je eerokom biyaa korbey, bhabtey o paarsi na amra" (That you get married this way was beyond our imagination), my cousins immediately jump to claim that they had always known that I was anything but "Bhola Bhala". We still have a good laugh at this whenever this topic comes up for discussion. Honestly, their opinion never mattered to me that much as that of my parents did. I thought this would take lot of convincing for them to even decide on hearing the Girls' voice over the phone. This theory though, would have failed even with its brilliant concept, had Ma or Baba decided otherwise. Infact, their son was shocked at the ease with which he won their "approval". Today, I must admit that they knew their son but their son didn't really know his parents.  Perhaps, that is one universal truth. 

Secondly, the pillar on which this relationship got cemented into a marital commitment has to be my guardian angel in the form of "Mishtimoni"(my maamiji) and "Boromamu"(my maamaji). They were my first two KEY PLAYERS. In my family, they were the first exponents of something similar to this theory and hence they could understand me. There were no linguistic barriers at least in their case but one has to concede that the TQ in that era was negligible. Knowledge of this did not influence my decision at all but my equation with Mishtimoni is such that I could trust her with this job. I literally coerced them into this by providing a weird logic. They get ready to pick up a stick, with a smile on their faces ofcourse, everytime they are reminded of that Blackmail Call. Would you like to know what that logic was??? Now that you said yes then let me share it with you guys...hehehe.

I never intended to quit my job in Hyderabad and join the Banking sector. Mishtimoni and Boromamu with great difficulty managed to convince me to try one such recruitment examination. Strangely I got selected and my new job brought me to Chandigarh where this relationship got initiated. The reason that I gave them was that because of them I had to shift base from Hyderabad to Chandigarh where this girl fell for my REALLY TALL, HARDLY DARK, EXTREMELY HANDSOME, SUPER INTELLIGENT & AXE EFFECT WAALA ATTITUDE (oops the truth is out...but sorry Gul for not being able to accommodate my other 3456 qualities that you had pointed out...lol!!!). So it was their DUTY to help me out. They could do nothing but surrender before the truth.

Finally, my other key player was my friend Shiladitya or Adi as he fondly calls himself. Now that Mishtimoni and Boromamu had played a good knock and their partnership brightened the chances of a win significantly. Next stage was all about consolidation. Picking out the thorns one at a time for smooth passage was crucial and his KRAs were well defined. He did a good job and never wavered from the script. Oh yeah, he got a good incentive as well based on his performance. A unconfirmed reservation from Chandigarh to Kolkata with multiple opportunities to do some "Cooliegiri" along the way. Sadly though, the Man of the Moment also had to drag quite a few bags himself.

Well well I have been exposed enough to this Balaji trick over the years thanks to ladies in the house and so I know that it is the appropriate time to end it here. Picture abhi baaki hain mere dost!! The next part is about the days leading to the wedding and how all the celebrations finally culminated in Kolkata. It was a wonderful journey and a fantastic start to this phase of life with the special one. I can see the curiosity levels rising and there is a great chance that the post would receive the most number of hits(twoooooooo or even threeeeeeeeeeeeee). Aage Gul aur Ayan ki shaadi pe kya hua tha....dekhenge HUMLOG!!!

MY AIM IN LIFE....A Life that is neither Easy nor an Essay!!!

"A man without an aim is like a ship without a radar"....does that ring a bell???? Well, I know we are transported back into that classroom where this phrase was supposed to be the clincher and get us a good score in Essay writing test. But in our enthusiasm to be the best, we forgot that everyone was using that same Essay Book. The best part about the phrase was that it fitted into any topic. After all, the truth of life is that a man without discipline or punctuality also loses direction like a radar-less vessel. And interestingly, almost all the publishers were making Essay..oops Easy Money by selling the same content under different names. "My Aim in Life", or rather "My Aims In each year of Life" helped me and my friends score good marks for sure but for us it hardly mattered. Our age didn't let us bother about the complexities that lay in the depth of those words. Our understanding of the subject was superficial and its importance was at par with the physical attributes of a cow or life of a great man.

If we recall the various aims that we were juggling at that innocent age, most of us would be able to locate a sheepish smile in the mirror. Only my engineering friends would be able to proudly say that they aimed and they hit the Bull's Eye. But they were somewhat lucky as the entire Education System seemed to be designed to encourage Engineers. There was a time when if you threw a stone in the crowd, it was most likely to hit an engineer. However, a good number of engineers have been investing their hard earned(read ragged) engineering know-how into management institutes for returns in the form of a career in investment banking. The most popular aims that one could hear in the classroom were Pilot, Cricketer, Doctor, and Engineer. There were some strange ones as well like Truck Driver, Chartered Accountant and IAS; the former choice being the most honest of aims while the latter was of course an attempt to be different. I say "strange" because we were kids then and our choices were supposed to echo what our ears were exposed to. Eyes and the brains became functional a lot later and ironically, by that time the teacher had stopped asking "Son, what do you want to be when you grow up????". In hindsight, the most fitting answer would have been "Clueless". A friend of mine though had replied to one such question in this casual manner....."Saaaer 

Daaktor". He meant "Sir Doctor" but his khati(read pure) sylheti was too crude for an English class and the teacher assumed that the strongly built kid actually wanted to say "Dakaait" (robber in sylheti). The teacher felt very embarrassed and perhaps cursed himself in his heart for aimlessly ending up as a teacher in a classroom. Today, one can only marvel at the foresight of that poor kid when the family Doctor writes prescriptions more for the medical representatives and less for the patients. Teaching used to be the most popular aim for girls though and quite expectedly so. "To be listened to" is in their birth right and traces of it can be found out in their DNA should any aspiring Nobel Laureate take the pains to spend some quality time with a lady in the otherwise boring laboratory.

Personally speaking, I gave a fair chance to most of these options(except Medicine and Engineering) and still ended up being a Banker. At this stage, it would be appropriate to add that I am not done as yet or so would I like to believe. Life would be too dull if I spend a lifetime in balancing Debits and Credits. My life so far has been like a ship that enjoys the uncertainties of the ocean rather than the predictability of the shores. If life was a maze and I was asked to trace my path back to that very classroom, most certainly I would fail for my journey so far has been very interesting and least bit predictable. My Aim in Life was to be a pilot initially. Next year, I wanted to be a cricketer and the following year, an IFS Officer. A year after that, we moved to more difficult topics for essays and so Indian Foreign Service became My Aim in Life by virtue of being captured by the brain as the most recent left-brain activity. It was nice though to dream about representing one's country and to travel far and wide around the globe. But the dream gradually got lost somewhere the moment I entered the serious phase of school education. A student has to tackle so much in the present that the future assumes a vague shape that can be moulded into anything distinct through hard work, management and a little bit of luck.

I embraced commerce to avoid science and arts. So, CA was obviously worth a try and I tried it like people try smoking for the first time. I coughed out a little and didn't pursue it further realizing that "Come Again" was not exactly to my liking. MBA was the next big thing for graduates and that bug bit me quite hard. And here was I at the Main Gate of the National Institute of Fashion Technology with my father while the pretty girls cat-walked past us in short skirts. My father promptly reminded me of my new aim and that was to get the maximum out of this Management Degree.......... only intellectually and professionally of course and not in any other way. This degree got me a job in a profile that hitherto had been a "No Entry Zone" for me. I was happy though at cracking the interview without having any clue about the subject. Two years of Visual Merchandising, night outs with lifeless mannequins, skipped lunches, lots of pizzas and I was convinced that my true calling lay somewhere else. But Banking was not the obvious answer and it was a last minute decision to jump from fashion to finance. Destiny played its hand and now it seems that all the events happened so that I could be led to my wife in this over populated and vast country. Now that this has been achieved, I can quit the banking industry as well....lol. On a serious note, life has surprised me on more than one occasion but I have taken decisions and I stand by each of those decisions. I have a long way to go and the journey here on onwards would be even more interesting. I do not want my life to be dictated by any aim but the fulfillment would be achieved if I am able to aptly deal with whatever destiny has in store for me. It would be very childish to think that all of us can have an aim in life and achieve it as well. Neither we are God nor Life is that simple and then there is something called the Law of Demand & Supply as well!!!

Kids should not be asked about their aims in life and they should be asked to experiment and innovate instead. One life and so many options. How can one decide on one option without trying other options???? As long as you are curious, you are alive. Let's teach them how to live life. It is more important to teach the kids the importance of accepting with humility what life has in store for us and then getting the best out of such opportunities. "If the wind will not serve, take to the oars"!!!!

I am happy to see my ship fight the rough whether and then bask in the glory of bright sunshine. I am not ready to hit the shores as yet. There is too much to explore and experience in that vast ocean called LIFE!!!

BUDGETING CORRUPTION.......!!!!

The Budget Session is due and the officials in the Finance Ministry are busy putting together numbers that could get the Finance Minister lot of  applause on the floor of the house and more importantly, votes for the ruling party in the General Elections to be held next year. The pundits, on  the other hand, are eagerly waiting for that invite to a prime time budget discussion in a swanky studio of a Business News Channel or for that matter, to ink a guest column for The Economic Times. Their Budget Special is awesome and to feature in that is like an extra credit to the CV. Senior Citizens in Kolkata are already discussing the "good for nothing" policies of the government....."jaanen moshai, Chidomborom aar Monmohon Shing kono kaajer na.... HOPELESS EKDOM HOPELESS!!!". Classroom discussions hotting up in the galaxy of Management Institiutes, Dalal Street Executives getting nervous and the Aam aadmi, well we are insulated from any damn shock....isn't it???? We have learnt to live with any shit that is thrown at us either by life or at an alarmingly consistent rate,by our political class(read crass) of course. Budget comes and goes every year. There is a bit of OOHs & AAHs but all that is forgotten the very next morning as if God does an update of our systems at night, while we are asleep, in order for us to be able to accept the changes. Infact, Aam Aadmi is God's best invention in this volatile environment. And its IRONICAL to say the least.

We have learnt to live with politics on religion, politics through reservations, politics of corruption and the disgusting state of politics itself. Nothing bothers us anymore in the long run. There is a widespread acceptance of the fact that the corrupt system is incorrigible and corruption is like an enemy that you have to sleep with. There is no point in losing one's sleep by trying to stare at its eyes. Turn your back towards it and hope that you are not it's prey. Our politicians and other corrupt forces are looting the nation and are able to go scot free. Aam Aadmi's digestive system is very good. "Hazam karne waale hum hain......khaane waale koi aur hain". 

There are times when an oasis is spotted in this desert bereft of morals but the discovery of a mirage leaves the thirsty society disappointed instead. Take the last couple of years for instance, it seems as if there is an IPL of CORRUPTION going on with one team trying to outclass the others. The scores have been ridiculously high and yet they get bettered each time some new incident comes to light. Mr.Anna Hazare seemed to strike a chord with Aam Aadmi momentarily and most of us jumped like monkeys at the thought that its CLEAN UP TIME. Most of the remaining population were motivated to login and post some words on Facebook or Twitter while some of us(including me) were circumspect about the whole thing. It seemed too good to be true or sustainable. Unfortunately, we were right and this "Safed Topi" activism got hijacked by the ambitions of the core group of people involved with the cause. Out of this episode, emerged a political party, led by Mr.Arvind Kejriwal, with a single objective of naming and shaming people. Mr.Anna Hazare seems to have withdrawn from all this for the time being while Mrs.Kiran Bedi is hopping from one studio to another.

The idea behind this post is an outrageous one but nevertheless, it appears to be a reasonable one to me at least, for this concept is entirely mine....lol. Looking ahead, this sarcastic person within me can foresee a Budget Session in the coming years where that Budget Paper would carry "Provisioning for the losses on account of corruption". The monetary resources of our nation is not a happy picture for our economy going by the huge fiscal deficit that has been one of the two problem children, the other being inflation of course. We follow a deficit budgeting system and Grand Canyon between expenditure and revenues is funded mostly through debt. Foreign exchange reserves have not increased enough with imports far outweighing exports. On the debt side, the reserves will get further stretched once the foreign currency repayments get voluminous. Self-sufficiency is a dream that has still remained a dream. 

Now, let me introduce the "corruption" factor into the mix and the picture gets real gloomy. India is strong in natural resources which have huge tangible worth. We have not been able to make use of those resources to the fullest and instead what we are seeing is that these are gradually getting drained or looted with every passing day. Loss of such valuable resource is bound to have an impact on the economy's Balance Sheet and hence I am advocating that such loss has to be accounted for. Time has come when our representatives need to be appraised in terms of their performance. Only with accountability norms in place would these people wake up and do what they were meant to do. When I talk about provisioning for loss due to corruption, I am being objective as corruption is bound to happen. If we cannot stop the criminals, we can at least force the "people in power" to crack the whip, if not by intent than at least in fear of being thrown out by the electorate. The provisioning would be divided into various sectors and at the end of the year, the concerned minister would be judged in terms of provisioned amount vis-a-vis actuals. I guess with tools like RTI and people like Arvind Kejriwal, percentages would be high. In fact, morals or ethics based scores should be 

encouraged in every appraisal system, why restrict it to politicians alone!!!!

Honesty is one inconsistent virtue. Even the brutally honest person at times resorts to some form of corruption or other. It is all about curbing human instincts. We ourselves are not clean and hence we tend to accept the corruption in others and of much larger scale. Ethical cleansing has to be injected into the social framework by force till the Aam Aadmi learns to live with it. God will be running the updates even then and hence I am sure that WE WILL ACCEPT THE POSITIVE CHANGES AS WELL!!!!

LEFT GASsing.....!!!

For 28 odd years, this heavy red object was just another thing in the kitchen. It was not so important and I,for sure, had very little to do with it except on occasions when it required to be moved in or out of the house. In fact, that part of the house which we call "Kitchen" never appealed to me. Some people enjoy the process and some enjoy the output. I belong to the latter group and love my food but to imagine myself fighting with the masalas and the utensils, would be torturous in itself.

But things change and the priorities as well. I got married and......oh wait, don't think,even for a moment, that I have started cooking. I care for my wife and no insurance covers death due to "damage to taste buds". Long live..........Missus Goswami. Well, I may actually become Sanjeev Kapoor of my kitchen someday but that day is ages away. As for now, I have realised the importance of a Cylinder in one's life especially when you pass on the induction cooker to your mother-in-law after having failed to get it working. Moreover, Kerosene is hard to find these days and that wonderful warm "mud chulha" is a thing of the past.

It was not enough to only understand the importance of having a Gas Connection in one's name but I actually had to draw out a plan for acquisition of one such connection to keep the poor fish vendors of Sector 47 in business. So, for the noble cause of Social Upliftment, I got down to work without any delay. The first step was obvious and that was to get the documents ready. But my allegiance lies with the Internet and beliefs with anything that requires very little ink. My friend, Vikas would recollect the long drawn battle that I had with Airtel DTH before they took note of my online registration and installed that dish which coincidentally was again "red" in colour. Ignoring that incident of service deficiency as an odd aberration, I registered online with HP Gas. A sixteen digit reference number seemed impressive and since then I had been waiting for a call where a friendly voice would say "Sir thank you for choosing HP Gas and we are at your doorstep with a gorgeous red cylinder, waiting for you to let us into your kitchen".  HP Gas is marketed as "Your friendly Gas" and I guess that is why they have taken my registration as a friendly banter and laughed it away.

Not getting any response irked me, but New Year's Day was a good occasion to forgive and forget. The day began with me not being able to make any headway even after being just tenth in queue for AADHAR registration. After braving the tough winter chill, I still managed enough composure to walk in to the nearest Gas Agency (M/s Sabharwal Gas Agency) with the documents for registration. The moment I mentioned about the online registration, I got a quick reply crushing all my hopes of the reference number being acknowledged. My pressing need for a connection helped me ride that wave as well and I forwarded my papers for an offline registration. The documents got accepted without the KYC and I was told that KYC would be required afterwards. It sounded absurd but then I was happy as my documents were accepted. Before I could overcook my celebration, it was burnt in that very stove which was being sold to me forcefully. My refusal was initially met with indifference and then the Agency Manager looked at me as if to say "Boy...you have walked into the Lion's Den and you would live on my terms here". I tried to teach him that "paath" of rules and "customer is the king" funda. He didn't care though and told me that I had no option but to fall in line. I almost did and withdrew six grands strangely without any hassles from the ATM downstairs which usually remains defunct most of the times. I started climbing the stairs and one gaze at the crisp currency notes made my heart sink with the thought that I was about to seriously compromise my pending vacation. My first day of the new year ended with two more reference numbers, one for AADHAR and another for "Forced sale of stove/hotplate" with HP Gas.

For seven days, I kept waiting for a reply and moreover, the Customer Service number was perhaps a ghost number. Its 8th of January, 2013 and my request was finally closed. HP Gas, however,has managed to keep me guessing with their "Copy Paste Grievance Redressal System". Their reply was "By rule, no agency can forcefully sell the stove if the consumer already possesses an ISI approved one at home". As if I didn't know. I am alarmed at their Einstein-ism and amazingly, their complaint site, by default, has the issue of forced sale of stove as the first option in the dropdown. This seems to be the most common complaint and yet HP Gas is happy giving a free hand to its agencies. Lack of intent to act is as good profiteering. As for me, there are ofcourse other options but not holding a AADHAR card has almost changed my citizenship to a void one. And for that stupid number, I need to go back to the queue and hope that someday it will move. By the time, I am able to get out of this vicious circle, I guess my wife would have grown comfortable with  the smoke from the "mud chulha" and I would have grown comfortable with the long queues outside coal shops. Tomorrow would be another attempt of mine to avoid all such circumstances and make our future full of energy as HPCL claims on its portal. 

And yeah, as I wait to welcome a beautiful red Cylinder of my own into the kitchen, I have already spent three grands out of those six grands on food and movies...lol!!!