When the dream turns into a nightmare.......!!!

Besides Roti and Kapda, Makaan is the basic requirement for a good life. But more importantly, “Khud ka makaan” is a wish that every man harnesses. This wish often transforms a common man’s life into a mission, a mission to earn and save enough to own a house that he can really call it his own. Four walls and a roof that one can call one’s own is much more valuable than even a rented posh apartment. Every common man diligently works towards that aim and kabhi kabhi ussi mein puri zindagi nikal jaati hain…..!!! To every man, his home is his castle and to see the transformation of the hard earned money into an abode full of love and happy memories is perhaps the most fulfilling experience for any one. In India, people make homes for their posterity or at least, this has been the tradition. So often, you would see that a man buys or builds a house just before he is about to retire. Things have changed with easy availability of housing finance and changing mindset but the urge to provide protection to the next generation cuts across the barriers of wealth and status.

As a banker, I have met many borrowers, both present and prospective. But I was really sad to see the plight of one such man whose smile has vanished somewhere after his prized possession became a cause of pain and anxiety for him. Sitting on the other side of the table, I could feel the hurt, anger and frustration simmering within him. If I were to put words to the story of this man’s journey as a borrower, probably this is how I would write it down.

A man in his early fifties walked in once with the hope that his dream of owning a house would get realised soon. He went through all the processes as fast as he could as he was eager to gift his wife and three kids a new home. He felt proud every time he looked in his wife’s eyes which reflected the promises of a future full of loving memories. One glance at his kids and the doting father felt that they should get an easier and much happier life. He got blinded by the rosy picture of future and that is where he made the first mistake. Like all borrowers, even he signed the dotted lines without reading the document. His income was not that great but his retirement benefits would have been able to cover his debt. Further, the wise Banker convinced him to go for an insurance to cover the home loan. The idea behind such insurance is that should anything happen to the borrower, the debt burden would be taken care of by the insurance for a meagre premium per month. This saves the rest of the family from the hassles of Bank’s recovery efforts. In this case, the man had to just pay Rs.250 per month which seemed affordable then. The man got the loan and soon he ushered in a new future at a place close to his heart.

But gradually things started going wrong once he retired. He used up the retirement benefits to set up a small business for his son instead of paying off his debt as he thought that his three kids would take care of their father’s burden. Life had other ideas though and his world soon came crushing down. He lost his dear wife and his kids grew up to be useless, selfish and callous. They added further weight to the heavy burden the poor man was already struggling to carry. The home no longer comforted him and neither did it give him any peace of mind. For a few grains of rice, he had to hear hundreds of abuses everyday from his sons and daughter in laws. The cacophony outside started sounding sweeter than the voices he heard within the four walls. He could fight with the world but not with his own children and in his own home that he shaped with lot of sweat and blood. Now, it is just a structure witnessing his miserable life moving on. It is more like a Grave and not a Home any longer. He is still breathing but he is not living life. The father can never be harsh on the kids and so his heart melts every time he sees the innocent faces of his grandchildren. He knows that his kids would struggle for survival after he is no more. Four walls and a roof would be a great asset to possess in those hard times.

When things start going wrong, they seem so unrelenting. The Bank called to inform that the revised interest rates would mean that the poor man has to shell out more every month. When a man is cornered, he becomes rebellious. He fights back. His fight does not imply that he is right but it is just an outburst of all that he has patiently withstood since misfortune started courting his life. He blamed the Bank for increasing interest rates contrary to the agreement terms and conditions. He is ignorant of the way bank finance works as had not read the fine print that day when he was in a hurry to take the loan. He is sinking deep into depression and so he is trying to hang on to the last straw wherever he could find one. He rebelled against the advise given by the bank and continues to pay less than what is required. The loan has reached a stage where it could go bad any moment and so the bank has to step up the recovery efforts. Banking is a process but Bankers are humans after all, and so we counselled him on multiple occasions. During one such session, the old man broke down and introduced us to his sorry state of affairs. 

This 64 year old man is working as a security guard in an ATM while sons are sitting shamelessly idle at home turning a blind eye to the pain of their father. At an age when he was supposed to enjoy his time at home with his grand children, the poor man is instead putting his life at stake by guarding a 10’x10’ space for twelve hours in the scorching heat. This 10'x10' space could end up as his grave soon. He is so frail that he won’t be able to even put up a minute of resistance should there be any theft. For a few, life is a story of never ending struggle and he is one of those fighters. But somewhere age has caught up with him and he is losing this hopeless battle. He is working hard at this age not because he has any expectations from life but the honest man is toiling hard for peanuts just to die without any debt. This is precisely the thought that dominates the mind of all self respecting senior citizens in our society. When we heard his unfortunate story, we were really shaken. Our first thought was to calm him down as at this age his heart has become too vulnerable to withstand such traumatic existence and his mind is too weak to shun thoughts of suicide. We consoled him and spoke to his sons to help him out and take up their responsibility. But, the arrogant losers dismissed our advise and simply told us that it is not their responsibility to pay off the debt as they had not taken the loan. We felt pity for such asses who do not know the value of a father in life. At that point, I felt like kicking them out but then I stopped myself thinking that sooner or later, these cowards will be taught a lesson in life.

The irony of life is that the father cannot sell his property as his kids would end up on the road, the loan can be taken care of by the insurance but for that the old man has to be dead. As for now, the insurance premium of Rs.250 itself is proving to be a great burden for the man. The system is automated and it does not consider the emotions or the pains of a human being. It only knows that a certain sum should be paid before a certain date. I splurge all my savings and here is a man who is struggling to earn Rs.250. Helping him personally by lending him some money once or twice is fine but this is not a permanent solution as there is no light at the end of the tunnel here. Sooner or later, the bank will realise the debt by auctioning off the property and we are just delaying the inevitable in the hope that at least one son will stand up like a man and make his life count. We are also trying to find ways to reduce the burden by exercising various options within the banking norms. There are rich borrowers who default at the pretext of not having enough time to deposit the repayment and then there are those like this man who put their integrity above everything else. He reminds me of my father who has also done everything possible to give me a good life and if I do not take care of him now then there is no meaning to my existence. I pray to God that he does some magic so that this borrower of mine can live his last few years happily and free of any burden. To conclude, I would like to advise all of you to pay off your debts well on time instead of sticking to the regular EMIs. Life is full of surprises and so every extra cent saved should be used to clear off the debt. 

DEAD & FORGOTTEN...It doesn't matter now!!!

He is there down somewhere lonely, yet loneliness has not enveloped his thoughts. He is surrounded by darkness all around him, yet fear has failed to get the better of him. There is not even that tiny opening for him to feel the energy of the Sun or the romanticism of the moon and yet he is not feeling claustrophobic. He is not feeling helpless even though he can’t move an inch. There is no light to keep him warm, no voice to keep him engrossed, no air to keep him fresh and no water to keep him thirst free. But he does not crave for warmth, he is not seeking a companion, he can’t feel any better and he is not thirsty either. He is dead and buried in his grave. The soul has departed but the body has been left behind in isolation. With time even that will cease to exist but he was a character too. He had lived once and now he would live in memories. Memories of his near and dear ones, if at all he had any or if any one of those actually valued his presence.

He had just been buried a few days back and things are not the same now.  If for a moment some life gets infused into his motionless ever decaying corpse, he would have been shocked to see that people have moved on and he would realise that his personality had only a momentary impact on other’s lives. It does not matter how tall he is or how strong he is, he doesn’t quite have a towering presence now. Till a a few days back, he used to draw gazes of young girls who couldn’t hide their affection for the attractive young man. Now, his body is cold and the skin has gone pale. Those girls have already found someone else to admire.

He might have been a very good man or perhaps, he was the most corrupt. He was either an extrovert or preferred keeping to himself. He was either famous or he was just a commoner. Nothing matters anymore. His good deeds or his most horrible doings; none of these would count now or in the next life, provided this re-birth theory has some credibility. He died young and left behind so many unfulfilled dreams. The bird had just learnt how to soar high but the flight ended abruptly because destiny acted otherwise. Such a promising talent would never get the recognition it deserved. He could have given so many moments of happiness to so many people. But those people are still living oblivious to the loss of a promising life. I wonder WHO IS DEAD???? 

He was buried by strangers who found him dead by riverside and under that bridge whose architectural glory has now been overshadowed by the discussions about that unfortunate plunge that the young man took. What drove him to do this??? We will never know. No one has come to grieve at his grave; no one has come and put some lilies. I wonder WHO IS DEAD???? 

He doesn’t have any epitaph to symbolise his existence on this earth. No words could have done justice to a life so short and a life that could have been wonderful. He has been perhaps forgotten already but it hardly matters to that heap of flesh that is lying down there. It doesn't get hurt or doesn't feel the pain any longer. The soul has left with all the feelings, leaving behind just mere evidence of his existence. Soon, the body will decay and get lost like his memories which are being wiped off by the tide of time and the very nature of mortal beings who are still moving above the ground. Life is just a journey from the womb of the mother to the womb of the mother earth. For all those youth who are not with us and who have died having been deprived of love and care.

Tale of 3 Ps....Caught in the act!!!!!

I was doing my next post on Jodhpur and was in a bit of quandary regarding how to encapsulate all that has happened over the last nine months into something crisp and readable. Suddenly my laptop heated up and I shut it down for a while. Then as I was surfing through channels, I stumbled upon the “hot” topic of Politicians enjoying Pornography in Parliament being debated with grand rhetoric by our politicians. I heard a bit of what they had to say and felt it was an utter waste of time to give so much of airtime to such a petty issue. Suddenly, I felt the urge to put my post on Jodhpur on the backburner and take up this subject. Of course, I too don’t mind wasting time on a Sunday night especially when I am in a place like Jodhpur where there is not much to do.

So let me start by giving a brief backdrop to the debate and why it has assumed such importance all of a sudden. In Karnataka, three MLAs were caught enjoying porn while they were getting bored during the assembly session. Then the scene moved to Gujarat where the same thing happened. Since then the issue of Pornography has become much politicised and scrutinised under the moralistic microscope. Is Pornography bad????

The moment you try to answer this question you step into that realm of tolerance v/s intolerance. Some say watching porn is distasteful while others say watching porn privately is fine. I being the more tolerant kind, my vote lie with the latter group. But the issue is not simple and you cannot judge a person based on AYEs & NAYs with respect to this issue. Watching porn is not a crime and in fact, not bad either. As long as you do not disturb others or do not break the code of conduct applicable in your immediate environment, no one can question you.  At this juncture, one only needs to know where he or she can watch and where he or she can’t. However, if we extrapolate and establish that pornography encourages slave trade, invasion of privacy, paedophilia and atrocities against women, then we are faced with a different question. And that critical question is: Should we watch porn or should we reject it outright???? Porn industry is doing well in the west and there it is viewed as an art form with aesthetically shot videos. A porn star like Sunny Leone can expect to be a part of the mainstream society and lead a respectable life. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised by the mature way in which Indian media reacted and now she is doing Jism 2 under the banner of Mr.Mahesh Bhatt. Soon you might also see her in some Saas Bahu daily soap in a Tulsi like avatar.  Indian porn is sleazier and unfortunately the major share is of MMS Scandals which are in bad taste and need to be blocked. We might say a certain kind of porn is an art form but hardly any of us are art connoisseurs. In reality, we do not watch it to rate the quality of work or to appreciate the finer details embodied in the piece of art. We all do it for pleasure when we get bored. Porn is a part of growing up process and almost every adolescent goes through that phase when such content seems appealing. With time, such desires die down and lots of Hard Disk space gets freed up. Even at a later stage, people might watch it occasionally. But it is not unusual to come across some lechers who make it a daily routine. Nudism is celebrated in Hollywood but is taboo in Bollywood as yet, though we have come far  away from those days of two flowers coming together to symbolise love making.  Sex scenes in mainstream Hollywood flicks are instances of very mild porn. There are levels of porn too like XX and XXX, etc. I wonder why the 24^th alphabet and not A or B. Experts can leave their comments below…lol!!!

Our architectural marvels carry images which are very suggestive and I am sure parents have hard time explaining the engraved images to their kids. “Papa yeh kya hain???.....”Chalo bittoo ki ma..hum woh ice cream stall ke paas chalte hain. Yahaa aaj kuch zyada hi garmi hain, wahaa zyadaa achcha hain!!!”  Moreover, we live in the land of Kamasutra which is believed to be THE GUIDE TO SEXUAL PLEASURE. But, I read it somewhere that it is way much more than just a mere treatise on sexual gratification. It has a greater social connotation. Yet people dig themselves six feet under the ground when there is any mention of it. The problem is that SEX is such a taboo in our society that people do it discreetly and hence oppressed sexual desires often take a negative form. Anything artistic is not bad and the same should stand true for sexual content as well. In essence, pornography is actually not art rather the absence of it. Loveless Erotica for commercial reasons is pornography or genuine love making captured on camera for commercial reasons are examples of pornography. It is often cheap and gross. Art for one is sleaze for another. There is a very thin line between art and sleaze and we fail to honour that. We should celebrate art and reject sleaze but in our lack of willingness to understand, we get confused. This results in good art being rejected on ethical grounds while paving the way for sleaze to sell discreetly. Here, I come back to tolerance v/s intolerance. Awareness and counselling are the only way to fight sleaze and once we ensure this, all the evils would also be taken care of. The more you try to stop by force; greater will be the repercussions on the society at large.

I have always said this that IT revolution owes a great deal to pornography as well. It did attract lot of young stars of our age to visit those newly opened cyber cafes and explore the world of internet. We all started with ASLs on Yahoo Messenger and now we hardly use it. In fact, I do not even remember my User ID. We have gone through this stage of watching porn and now we hardly visit such sites. You can never stop people from enjoying porn. The idea is to not let that create evils.

When I talk about evils, you obviously think about atrocities against women. I heard one of the participants constantly repeating the words “Objectifying woman”. It is unfortunate that when it comes to sex, Men are vilified. The panel member either was ignorant or conveniently ignored the fact that many women also enjoy porn. The fairer sex also has desires and they do draw pleasure from such videos as well. I learnt this truth when I had borrowed a pen drive from one of my class mates back at college for some project presentation. I was surprised as hell when an interesting name came up during the virus scan. Men are also being objectified but yeah not to the extent that the women are being objectified.

So, watching pornography is not an issue. Watching pornography in the Assembly is somewhat an issue but the real issue that no politician is talking about is: Were these politicians voted in to watch porn when the session is on??? The country is being raped in the Parliament and in the assembly; the MLAs are enjoying the video.  The loss to the country is the same whether the politicians watch porn or they read comic strips. Parliament/Assembly sessions are for deliberating on drafts and bringing out policies for the greater good of the society. It is absolutely acceptable if the politicians carry such sexual content on their cell phones to the assembly and as long as they do not use official hardware and also valuable work hours for such activities, but those desperate souls surely did not figure out what they ought to have figured out during their teens. No one would have raised an eyebrow if those MLAs would have copied the video and watched it later, may be while on their way back to home.  These guys not only wasted our taxes but also lot of water in the toilet. The sanitization should happen quickly and every politician should be made accountable for every second that he/she breathes during office hours. This holds true for any profession and all professionals in fact.

To end, my salute to the journalist who captured that secret footage which got the entire country talking. I wonder how you would view his act. Shoot karte karte dekha toh usne bhi hain…………!!!! He ignored the assembly session and chose to create a story on this. From now on, the politicians would even throw away the newspaper if they find an objectionable image immediately on turning the page. THE MEDIA BOMB CAN EXPLODE ANY WHERE & OUT OF ANY DAMN THING!!!

"Laban School-er Cheley Ni???...Great". Part 2...Unadulterated fun!!!!

The transition from primary school to the high school was smooth and the new address was convenient for me as my house was just five minutes away. The first day feel was of excitement and sadness, excitement of being in the high school and sadness at the thought of being away from such caring teachers. Life has to move on and so it did. The day used to begin with GULMOHAR and I don’t remember what it used to end with perhaps because most of us would be already out of the campus by 3 O’clock, atleast in our thoughts. Classes used to start by 10 AM and I had the luxury of lazing around till my mother pushed me out. But soon I started to be extraordinarily punctual, the reason being that lovely game of cricket or football that would kickstart our day in school. However, we did find ourselves in the midst of IT evolution and a teacher joined the school with his early morning doses of WORDSTAR & LOGO but the open windows were our escape routes. Days went by and we started getting comfortable with our routine school life. The best part about school days is that you find a way to enjoy even the most mundane of things because of your friends.

I was among the bunch of “good” kids who hardly ever sat in the second bench but my reason was different. I always wanted to be the first one out of the class. Besides, I was not that tall either. One of our teachers, Bankim Sir or BBC (as we fondly called him) used to call out “You little boy, go and kneel down”. And I must tell you that it was not an enjoyable experience as there would be no fine legs passing by in the corridors. The nicknames given to teachers were weird, funny and sometimes undesirable but at the end of the day, the respect for them was always there. Being in the top three had its advantages as during examinations, Room No.1 was perceived as nuisance free room by the invigilators so much so that one of them once said “Baba tomra toh shobai bhalo cheley…cheating feeting toh korbe na. Bhalo korey porikhkha daao, aami ghumaai”. That meant that we had the luxury of exchanging answers at will.

All the teachers had their “styles”, be it punishment or be it greater punishment oops teaching. I guess our teachers were also WWE fans and greatly inspired by People’s Elbows, Choke Slams and Stunners. Swapan Sir used to catch trouble makers and order them to take POSITION. This term meant that the student is supposed to bend while resting his hands on the table and thereby exposing his butt to the thrashing of the cane. One teacher used “Sideburns Pull”, another mastered the art of “Finger Pinch” while one of them always left stains of “Kuwaai” on our books on a regular basis and so there would be no resale value of our books by the end of the academic year. All of them were characters and unforgettable but Mihir Sir was something else. “Ami ulka…ami jhonja”…he would announce while entering the class and then handpicked boys to perform in the class. I still don't know what that meant but it did mean that entertainment would start soon. I was once asked to dance and I made a fool out of myself before the whole class. My bhangra that day would have made all the Sardars forget theirs only if YouTube was functional then. I sucked big time then and I still do as far as dancing is concerned. Now, you guys don’t think that I nursed the ambition of learning bhangra since that day and hence I narrowed down my search for a bride to a Punjaban. As weird as his antics were yet his innovative “2 Minutes to Fame” routine helped me atleast to tolerate Science which was a pain in the A…Brains actually.

But Science had advantages too. Those students who participated in Science Exhibitions got good lunch whereas quiz enthusiasts like us had to make do with poor canteen food. Being a rebel though, I gate crashed during one such exhibition and started looking for a stall with easiest Scientific Model. And I found a friend of mine explaining Balanced Diet to delegates and so I forcefully convinced him to take a break. Balanced Diet was easy to explain and the moment we got our lunch coupons, I vanished to balance my diet.

I had a gala time for seven good years. We were so happy with our lives with very little to think about. We didn’t even care about girls around us except for those five minutes after school hours and outside our school gates when those angels from Pine Mount School headed home from school. Pine Mount School….wow….beautiful girls but most importantly our favourite destination for a game of cricket after school hours. We used to climb the walls and enjoy the lush greens beside the Lady Hydari Park. They tried to stop us and filled cement into those holes in the wall but a sports enthusiast used his sledgehammer to good effect and the Principal of that school had to wire fence the entire perimeter. But we had alternatives in Sports Club Ground and Eid-Gah. Talking of Eid-Gah, I remember that I had once got down into the stream that ran along that ground to fetch the ball but all I found was heaps and heaps of mud. I walked for 20 minutes through the busiest of localities to reach home with mud till my waist. My mother almost fainted but soon she regained her composure to do some “Dhulaai”…first mine and then that of my school uniform. And yeah my complexion is not this way because of that SPA treatment. I was born to be “a bit short of Tall, Dark and Handsome”.

That feeling of winning the match for my class in the Inter-Class meet, winning the Chess championship in school, winning the 2^nd Prize in 200 metres and Long Jump events (there were only two participants though…shshshshh), lot many prizes in Quiz competitions etc., was always awesome and I cherish those memories a lot. We had our naughty moments as well. Throwing off rotis and sabzi daily through the class window and onto the roof of Dr.Siddiqui, porn magazines in the class, breaking tubelights and window panes, breaking the procession in the middle of road and running towards the school like the rampant bulls from the Tomatina Festival.

Run up to the Board exams, we had lot of fun playing cricket matches at Aveek’s house after tuition classes at Mohitosh Sir’s place. I really owe it to him and Hironmoy Sir for being so wonderful teachers. Especially. Hironmoy sir was so happy those days after receiving a letter from Queen Elizabeth who appreciated and recognized his work on British history. Unfortunately, Sir passed away before he could meet the Queen. Xth Board is seen as a first major hurdle in a student’s life and our teachers had very high hopes on our batch going by the laurels we bought to our school in Scholarship Examinations. But it was not to be. I hated Science and Geography and so I preferred to ignore most part of the Question Paper and I missed out on a rank because of those two subjects. However, my favourite teacher (my father) never said anything and got sweets for me when the results were declared but I know it would have hurt him when he had to answer this question a hundred times….”What happened???....How did Ayan miss out on a Rank????” I knew that I lost one great opportunity to gift him happiness. I did make amends by securing a good rank in XIIth and I could feel his elation when he hugged me. I got a rank again in Graduation but still it hurts when I look back at that missed opportunity. This was a great humbling experience for me and I had emerged as a better person. The day of my result was the last time I had been there. I touched Sujit Sir’s feet and bade adieu to Laban Bengali Boys’ Higher Secondary School. My status at that point was:

“Forgot how to write in Bengalee and Hindi, never knew how to talk in English, never spoke with any girl and yet enrolled myself in a co-ed course in Commerce at St.Edmund’s College, an institute started by Irish brothers. SCARY TIMES AHEAD!!!!”

The decision turned out wonderful and I turned out O.K too.

"Laban School-er Cheley Ni???...Great". Awesum days in Awesum School!!!..

One fine morning way back in the winters of 1988, my parents took me to a strange looking place where I could see a huge gathering of tiny tots all dressed in similar colours. But I was happy for I was wearing new clothes, new shoes and to top that all had a new School Bag. But little did I realise then that the school Bag carried stuff that would put my patience to test for 20 odd years. I guess I enjoyed the chaos that day for my Ma says that I did not cry while other parents were having a torrid time consoling their kids. Next day was a different story though. While other kids started to settle down, I decided to start crying. This was my way to maintain the balance between the chaos and the silence. First shade of my personality revealed itself and I am still that way (…no I don’t cry anymore). Yes, I hate Silence because it makes my life boring and scary. One exception is the silence inside a Church. Somehow I am at peace with myself there.

My School looked beautiful. Assam Type Building painted in sky blue as if to inspire students to fly high and achieve great heights. The structure was intimidating for me initially but then I came to know later that the building had enough space only to accommodate primary section. Over the course of those two decades, I had the fortune of  learning from some really good teachers but the teachers at Laban Bengali Boys’ Primary School were simply awesome. The tiny bit of goodness in me is largely due to my parents and the teachers like Bodo Mashima, Choto Mashima, Shobhana Mashima and Eshu Mashima. The great care that they took of students at such tender age is unbelievable. They knew how to instil discipline in us. That Carrot and Stick funda which we read while doing our MBAs was experienced by me way back then. That is why I feel MBA degree is just a Degree that makes you familiar with business jargons. “Jaali Bet” hurt but it was effective. It was hardly used by them but the mere sight of it was enough then. None of them are there now and the school is not the same as well. The vacuum that they left is hard to fill. Then there was Didi who cleaned the shit of all the kids day in and day out but there was never a moment when a child could feel that he or she was not at home. All the parents trusted her and knew that she would take great care of the children.

Yeah the most important element of this school was that it was a co-ed and for the next 5 years I had the company of a few girls but we would wonder then why those girls were getting the special privilege of studying in a Boys’ school. The best testimony to the fact that Girls spoil Boys, could be found in my school as the Girls were not allowed to seek admission from Class IV onwards. After all, those were the crucial years for a Boy and the administration thought that nothing should distract the talented bunch. The medium of instruction was in bengalee.While other children studied Black Sheeps, Humptys and Dumptys, we enjoyed “Haradhoner doshti cheley”. Further, while other students studied in KGs, we studied in the system of A’s and B’s for the first two years. My friends in my colony could not understand and I did not bother much as I was in love with my school. Infact, those kids were envious of me as my school hours started at 11 O’Clock while they had to be in class by 9 AM. This is where I took a liking to the number “Three” and almost all through to Xth Standard, I never let it slip. My father used to tell me that there are two more ranks above the third rank but how could have I let down my friends Suman Bhattacharjee and Saurit Kar.  They trusted me a great deal but still I got the Second Rank once (in IInd standard if I can recollect) to please my father and take that Badminton racket from him. That very year I also scored a perfect hundred in Mathematics. I actually felt a bit odd and decided not to make such mistake again in future. I had the fiercest competitor in Smita Das for the third rank. Four of us were quite popular with teachers and every year we used to win prizes for our performance in the examination. They were especially pleased when we secured ranks in the State Scholarship Examination and our parents were so thrilled that they threw party for the teachers by turns. I was a regular at Cultural functions with poetry recitations and I really enjoyed that time. After the initial few days of awkwardness, a kid makes his first set of friends at school. And then he never looks back. I was lucky to have my cousin Abhijeet Chakraborty as  my classmate. We were buddies and had a great time together. I still can’t forget that scene when one of the teachers hung his school bag on the Black Board because he was caught trying to jump out of the window before the school bell rang. That sight of this little kid jumping to reach the school bag was hilarious and is still fresh in my mind.

We also enjoyed running and sliding into the class after lunch. It was the APE ACT….one did and others followed. The best part about those days would be on the way back home with my aunt. I would thrust the bag into her hands and then would enjoy myself on the road. Walking on top of the walls or trying to beat the speeding cars while crossing the road or hiding myself in the crowd gathered to watch the Snake tricks at Laban Bazaar. And of course I used to get the angry stares of ladies on the road for most often than not I used to step on the foot of those poor pedestrians. My poor aunt had a tough time controlling me and she would have been relieved to see me grow up enough to feel shy of being seen with a guardian at school. Another “cute” act of mine that I remember from those days was that I had gone shopping for sweets with just 50 Paise in my pocket. I was able to convince the shop owner without even uttering a word. It was only in the evening when my father narrated the story to everybody at home that I realised that my face and not my skills did the trick at the shop. My father paid the shop owner for that piece of sweet and he bought a few more of those. Everybody had a great laugh at this.

It has been 18 years since I had been to my first school and I miss those teachers. I thought that I would be able to acquaint you with my school life in one post but now I realise that I have to break the story into two halves. In fact the flow of this post has been much unstructured. Memories just flooded in as I started writing. You have just got familiar with “Ayan” in primary school. Come back to see him go to the High School. Lot to share from that phase as well. 

A few words of love in reply to what you wrote………!!!

(Apologies Mr. Steve Jobs, but she is much more important to me than the APPLE. However, I will surely complete the post that I was writing on you. For now, RIP. )

A few months back, this letter would have started with these underlined words………….

TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN

………………but things have changed and my options have reduced drastically. This letter is now a personal one and dedicated to only one girl. Some of you might get shocked to see this especially after having known me for ages. Let me set the record straight. I am being coaxed and cajoled into writing it and like any other wise man; I am playing it safe. So here it goes……

Shona,

Today your wish gets fulfilled SMARTY and you would find your name in my Blog. That is what you always wanted and you had to pay a huge price for this moment. The deal is heavily biased in my favour though. I just have to mention a name and for that I get the most wonderful girl on this earth. I am blessed- blessed with luck and a bit of grey matter. The deal is closed now and as we wait for a new phase of our life to start, I would like to say that it is my pleasure to write about you.

A few days back, I received a letter from you along with a book that you wanted me to read. Let’s not talk about that book today though. The words on the cover of the letter were so typical of you and I burst out laughing. I wanted to mind my own business as well but found it very difficult then. I wanted to read the letter but the ambience was not that great amidst all those borrowers, depositors and lenders. And Darls, I didn’t want to get emotional with the stink of the toilet as well. So I waited and finally managed to read it at home that night. Your honesty is perhaps what drew me close to you and that was pretty evident again in the words that you chose for me in your letter.

Love @Speed of Light……not the latest bestseller by Mr.Bill Gates but our relationship as you defined and as I agree. It happened so quickly. I was surprised to get a friend request from you on Facebook in the first place. Life is so unpredictable and there in lies its beauty. Shona we were destined to meet and it is amazing to note that just a year back, you were only a number in one billion. I was happy working with Levi’s in a different part of the country. Times changed and I had to join Satate Bank of Patiala. I was not happy and always felt that there was something better in store for me. God played his/her (Say NO to Gender Discrimination) amazing HAND and you walked, rather stormed into my life. Thanks to the Bank, life is good. I also need to thank your friends and my batch mates for if they had not said those good words about me, you wouldn’t have got interested in me I guess. You are an OPPORTUNIST and I am so grateful to God for making you that way.

“….........……it's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away!!!!!!!!”

I am just a mortal being and my words are neither divine nor magical in any sense of the imagination but only those words got us closer to each other. Initially, we talked and then you read my blog and then we flirted. But whatever I said to you perhaps revealed me as a person before you and you felt like you found your man. You were absolutely right…lol. I was shocked when you said that you mentioned me as your fiancée just to get someone off your back. And the funniest part was that you called me up after that and asked for my permission as if you would have gone back to say that “…nahi ji, thoda sa confusion ho gaya tha. Mera mangetar actually Ayan nahi Milkha Singh hain!!!!”. You are crazy and that is endearing.

We met a couple of occasions on training but then we never exchanged words apart from that attempt of yours when you tried to start a conversation in class but I pissed you and you friend off with my “ATTITUDE”. “Yeh ladka kya samajhta hain apne aapko!!!”…that was how your friend reacted perhaps. Shona if I had not reacted that way at that time then I wouldn’t have been writing this letter to you now. Some PEOPLE thought about me but tuney toh bich mein bhaanji (not niece) maardi. Oh I can’t forget those grilling sessions over phone when you would probe me like a FBI official does to a suspect. You were so desperate to get something out of me and even I could not stand against your might. I gave in and thank God that I did. We hit it off right there and we have been in this wonderful relationship since then.

You did not believe in long distance relationships and I never cared for any kind irrespective of the kilometres. I just can’t believe that it was so smooth and easy. Kudos to both of us for handling this so maturely but now we have to be much more careful. Let this wonderful thing get more magical. I have never told you that you are so like the woman that I always thought of getting married to. You are smart, intelligent, sweet, not loud, you carry yourself very well, you are not those sissy types, you enjoy humour, you like sports (ek ghar mein kam se kam Tulsi nahi aayegi…GREAT) and your honesty is infectious. Shona come down now….bahaut ud li …yeh sab likhna padta hain re…khud ke image ke liye…samajh na…lol.

I hope I have kept my promises till date and would love to keep you happy in future too. Things are working out and need you to be with me forever. The journey is going to be difficult but then together we can make it worthwhile. I hope there would be lots of “I Love You”and a bit of “Whatever!!!” from you in this life and that would be exciting.

I can’t believe that you brainwashed me into doing this. Adi says that you are so “Bholu”, but only I have seen the devilish streak in you. But then your mom loves me more than she loves you and I will call her more often now by reducing our talk time…hehehe. Awwwwww……thik hain….chal I will not reduce the talktime but then may I ask-“ Which fish curry are you cooking today????”……hahahahaha.

I won’t make this any longer. Anyways you are not studying for the exam. Zindagi bhar main nahi sun sakta ki merey vajah se tu fail ho gayi thi…chal, u tell me if you are happy with whatever I wrote for you.

I am so glad that you are with me and that we would be spending the rest of our lives together. I am indeed lucky to have you (you can copy paste these lines to your comment below…I know u mean all that). Be the way you are…of course you can age but always remain that honest girl who I just can’t do without.

It’s only a matter of days now. Till then, I would miss being with you but in the meantime you can spend some good time in the kitchen and I can spend some good time drawing out a list of my favourites on the dining table…hahahaa. LOVE YOU…GUL.

Yours faithfully (…I know you wanted this)

Ayan

Note: SHIT….can’t believe that I wrote this….hopefully she does not ask me to sing next time. Love is Dangerous!!!!

BEAR-IT (on) MATRIMONY.....!!!!

……“ The kind of girl you want is perhaps going to be damn difficult for us to find. So why don’t you find one for yourself???” That was a cue for me from my Aunt to register on Bharat Matrimony. I have always been hopeless offline and so I thought maybe I should start my hunt for a partner with blessings from Internet Baba. I have always found Matrimony websites funny for some reason. I had seen the plight of a few acquaintances of mine who had ventured into that territory. You are interested in people who are not interested in you and you decline those who are interested in you. I know….ITS CONFUSING. That’s what they told me but I thought that the second part of the sentence was just an after-thought on their part. Anyways, I put in a few lines for myself in a hurry and was ready for the adventure. My friend Shiladitya is more of a seasoned campaigner (with a very bad Strike Rate) in this and he rubbished my profile saying that even Ugly Betty won’t be impressed. He invited trouble and so he had to invest his time to do a makeover on my profile. I briefed him and the AD Campaign came out fine but then Sale is not that exciting. His fees (wedding gift) would be on hold till I achieve my target. He would agree though that I have selflessly passed on many profile IDs to him for consideration and something might work out soon. My pre-condition was that he and his bride would take their vows only when I give a green signal. Till the time I manage a leave, they would have to hold on. Before Shiladitya spills the beans, I might as well inform you that I did raid his shortlist and walked away with few IDs. He did the same but unfortunately for him, my Shortlist was quite short and his was a Directory.

My first impression of Bharat Matrimony was that it is nothing short of HORROR SHOW. I am not commenting on the looks but the cosmetics that cover up the real self in one's profile, whether intentionally or sub-consciously. Firstly, the third picture is what you should go by and don’t fall for what you see at first sight. Secondly, you would find a few girls who are so broad-minded that they want their prospective partner’s income to be anything between ten lakhs and one crore. Then, there are profiles where you find the girl contradicting herself every second sentence. Just think if your wife is behaving that way. Confused Husband makes a marriage peaceful but a confused wife is a recipe for disaster. Most beautiful girls are looking at US as their Sasural and they are hoping that the wedding card turns green soon. I am sure even the male profiles would throw up some funny insights. In all fairness, even the opposite sex must be having issues with a certain percentage of male profiles. But, I have not tried to find such profiles as I don’t need to. Remember, I log in to Search and not to Research. Just a few days back, Shiladitya’s mom also reiterated the same and said that it is really taxing to find a genuinely good profile. The most frustrating part is that every day you get a mail regarding probable matches out of which only a couple would have a photograph. If you like the photograph, you click and you are automatically redirected to the concerned profile. In case you don’t like the profile, you log out. And here begins the fun. You are not logged out completely and instead you are taken to a page with four profile pictures. It so happens that one picture always seems interesting and the moment you click, the whole exercise begins again. Thank God, I did not register for the paid service. Adi……dude, you should continue to be a paid member though. As your friend, I would like you to keep at it and keep me interested as well…lol.

This post won’t be complete if I don’t share an interesting experience that I had recently. While creating my “Partner Preferance”, I forgot to select the appropriate option in CASTE and my profile reflected “CASTE NO BAR”. Adi had gone to my aunt’s place and while he was taking them through my profile, they happened to see this. There was no reaction then but things turned funny when Adi suggested one profile to them. He apparently knew that girl and he was confident that the girl would have been a good match for me. Caste was an issue here though. At night, I received a call from my parents about this girl. They said that I need to be careful while choosing profiles as marriage has a huge social connotation as well. I told them that I do not believe much in caste issues and all I want is a good girl who fits my preferences and who would take good care of them as well. As long as there is good upbringing, compatibility, trust and understanding in marriage, rest doesn’t matter. I told them that nobody would drag me into Saat Pheraas just because I expressed interest in some profile. Bharat Matrimony is just the beginning, commitment is done offline. Net Marriages are yet to take off here. I can’t but the posterity might. I convinced my parents and they got convinced for they realised that I made sense. Happy people make happy society and not vice versa. Since I had never spoken at length with my parents regarding marriage before that day, my lecture set the alarm bells ringing and they thought that THIS WAS A SETUP. Adi’s visit to my aunt’s place was now being viewed as a way to ease the girl into the family. My parents, aunt and uncle tried their best to get something out of me. They couldn’t get anything out of me as I had nothing to hide. That girl was a stranger to me as well. I didn’t pursue the matter further and the girl was not interested either. Few days of strange conversations with parents but “aall is well” now. My father admitted that this was his first experience with online matrimony. I assured him that I will guide him all the way through till I touch his feet with some girl beside me. However, I know that he prefers the conventional mode but can’t help given the preferences that I put down before him. Besides, he does not use internet and so my profile has my aunt’s number.

I am more in sync with my aunt and she has an amazing skill of convincing people. Adi removed my number because he felt I would scare people away by the way I speak. Apparently, you have to be very formal with a girl’s parents initially. In his case, this has worked to an extent. His dad is preparing the ground for him but the poor soul is being scared away by the Girls. He calls up and says “Bhai oi meye taar shonge aar kotha bolbo na” (Bro I am not speaking to that girl again). My aunt and Adi are two people who I can trust with this job and they know their job well. Adi though has to protect his interests as well even though our passwords are known to each other. We believe in team work, I believe in team and he does the work. As for my aunt, I asked her not to let my uncle get that excited. He had started expressing interest to any profile (even those that had no photos) that had the word “Shillong” in PLACE OF BIRTH. Off late though, even Bharat Matrimony has got tired and keeps repeating probable matches. Adi had a couple of shockers and both of us are taking a much needed break now.

Otherwise our telephonic exchanges last couple of months had been only about this girl and that girl. We found it so funny to note the way our conversations had changed over a period of time. Earlier we used to talk about soccer, movies, food, job, girls ofcourse and life in general.  Now our conversation got crunched between BHARAT and MATRIMONY. There is almost paranoia involved. Every action back at home and by family members smell of some conspiracy. My aunt really wanted me to be in Hyderabad for Durga Puja and I sensed something fishy about it. I am going anyways, be it for Pooja or Puja. A couple of days back, my sister enquired with Shiladitya about his cousin sister and he felt that it was for matrimonial purpose again. Marriage is like anaesthesia…you go numb and before you realise, you are done for your life. Still, going under the knife is necessary. (might sound poor but the copyright to the underlined words belong to me...hehehe).

Marriage is inevitable and Bharat Matrimony is an option. Hopefully, some girls will read this blog and upload profiles to express interest online. I have time and anyways it is Adi who is definitely getting married first going by the level of activity back at his home.I have a couple of things planned for his marriage too. It would be fun. Oh Adi you have read this…shit…now you are going to re-direct any interesting profile to me. Fine, I can’t stop you from doing that. Before I close, I would like to share a joke that I heard from my Manager   yesterday. It goes this way………

SON: Papa…..Shaadi mein kitni kharch hoti hain???????

FATHER: Betey…abhi kaise bataaoon…kharch toh chal hi rahi hain!!!!!