One month of my stay in Punjab has really given me some interesting insights which I would like to share with you Guys. Prior to that Punjab has always been a part of our conversations rather jokes. The last one I heard is as follows:
One day a Sardarji goes to a Punjabi Scholar with a question which had been troubling him for quite a while….
Sardarji: “Scholar Ji aap toh itne educated hain phir yeh bataaaiyen na ki saare jokes hum Punjabi o pe hi kyun banta hain??”
…..now the Scholar was at a loss of words and so he said that he would ask the same to Pesident Bush as the Americans know all.
The Scholar asked the same question to the President who in turn asked a question to the Scholar…”In my House, three of us live….my wife, my child and can you tell me who is the third????”
The Scholar couldn’t answer and so President said- “Its Simple, the third person is Me”.
The Scholar came back and met the same Sardarji. He then asked the same question-
….”In my House, three of us live….my wife, my child and can you tell me who is the third????”
Now, the Sardarji was clueless and so he asked for the solution. The Scholar very confidently answered…”Its Simple, the third person is Bush of course!!!!”.
Just to make my intentions clear, I do not intend to offend any of my Punjabi friends and I am sure they will take it positively for Punjabis are the most simple and fun-loving people. I have utmost respect for them and their feelings.
There are a few elements inherent to this place which are very amusing and interesting from my point of view.
Its far more easier to remember people here by name than by their faces. Because, one just needs to add a “Singh” to the first name if the person happens to be a Male or a “Kaur” if female. Believe me you will not go wrong in almost 80% cases. But the same funda would fail you in Bengal where there is a Chatterjee, a Banerjee, a Mukherjee, a Bhattacharjee, then a Chakraborty followed by thousand other surnames. Faces in Punjab are pretty confusing especially of the older lot. All seem alike. If Moustache rules South than the Beard certainly rules Punjab. I have still not paid last month’s rent as I am not able to find the landlord who is around 85 years old. I don’t find time to go to his house and seem to miss him in the crowd. Kindly note that the total population of the village would comprise of 40% Senior Citizens and another 10% who look like Senior Citizens. By the way, my Landlord’s name is Milkha Singh. He has not been to any Olympics but somehow manages to open the big gate from outside even though I keep it bolted from inside and appear at the door to start a conversation. In the last 36 days, he has sent his son to the US five times already, has built this house thrice and hosted a minister twice. I try to avoid him so that his son doesn’t get affected by acute jetlag and he himself doesn’t get broke given the inflationary pressure on the economy. That is the story of every house here. One son is in the States and he sends enough dollars back home so as to build a fortune based on the Exchange Rate. Ancestral Land has always been there and so has been the monetary benefits of the Dowry system. Besides, Power and Water are being given as freebies by the Government here.
I have been pretty bad with languages I must say. I failed to learn Khasi in 22 years and Telegu in 5 years but amazingly, I find myself at ease with this language. I have already picked up the most prominent part of the colloquial Punjabi and that happens to be a single word…”Bh@*&%$#”. The rest is just a mix of Hindi (which I already know) and authentic Punjabi. So it won’t take much time I guess. For now I just nod my head and show my teeth as a definite cover for my ignorance and definitely a false display of my understanding.
Another important thing to know about Punjab and Punjabis is the obsession with “Ji” so much so that they tend to take it as an insult if you don’t use a “Ji” at least ten times in a sentence. For them, “Raja Ji Bh@*&%$# hain” is fine BUT “ Raja Bhagwan hain” is not. I am trying to squeeze in as many JIs as possible. May be this as a practice is more prominent here in the village but still its also existent in the urban settlements nevertheless.
Coming to food, Punjab is known as much for its “Makke Di Roti n Sarson Da Saag” as also for its “Shudh Dudh n Ghee”. Have tried some Ghee but have not dared to try milk for 100% purity is hazardous to a stomach which has over the years got accustomed to all sorts of crap. Sarson Da Saag is wonderful but I cannot say the same for Makke Di Roti though. Its just plain OK. I have been to Ludhiana, Amritsar and Chandigarh and have tried non-vegetarian at quite a few places. Mutton hasn’t been that great, Chicken was Ok, Biryani was DISMAL and yet to find decent Chinese though the Chinese food at Chopsticks in Chandigarh was comparatively the best value for money experience that I had in Punjab in terms of non-vegetarian cuisine.
My weekend trips to the three cities along the under-repair Grand Trunk Road allows me to put in a word or two about these places. One interesting fact is that every major city in Punjab has a road called as “Mall Road” and predominantly that happens to be the most upscale commercial hub. Firstly, Amritsar is historically the most important city in Punjab. It has lot to offer to a tourist- Wagah Border, Golden Temple, Jalliwanwala Bagh, Ram Tirth and Vaishno Devi Temple. Most importantly, its less expensive. The kind of room for which I paid just Rs.250 cost me Rs.1200 in Chandigarh. Amritsar is trying hard to upgrade its look into a more upscale one but at this stage it has a long way to go. Next, Ludhiana is the industrial hub and expectedly full of dust and dirt. It should be renamed as “Dhuliana”. There is nothing to see here unless someone enjoys “industrial tourism”. Lastly, Chandigarh, as everyone knows, is a planned city but accolades must be given to somebody (will explain the cause of confusion) for keeping the City clean and well maintained. Here, I cannot help but draw a parallel between Chandigarh and Babri Masjid site. The Logic???....well both of these are existing in confusion. Whereas the confusion is more in case of Chandigarh, the complications are far greater in case of Babri Masjid site. Babri Masjid is disputed while Chadigarh is free of any such dispute. But just think of it- Chandigarh is the Capital of Punjab; Chandigarh is the Capital of Haryana and Chandigarh is also an Union Territory. However, Chandigarh is the most vibrant city in Punjab and is full of Youth and Beauty. I wonder why the Guys there have a major problem finding matrimonial alliance. I guess the reason would be that the Beautiful Girls are looking for a better match like….
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