THANK YOU FOR NOT KILLING US.............!!!

We all know about MIDAS TOUCH. Now, India is witnessing something that can be termed as MODI'S TOUCH. He is a very good orator if you discount the occasional factual errors in his speeches. This man's verbal exploits(ofcourse complemented by Manmohan Singh's Samadhi mode) captured the imagination of our countrymen and catapulted him to the much coveted address in the Raisina Hill. Off late though, Modi's touch has rubbed off on many of his colleagues but not everybody has the right character or conviction to speak what is good. As a result, lot many people associated with the ruling party are doling out utter nonsense for sound byte.

DEAR MILITANTS, THANK YOU FOR NOT KILLING THE FOOLS WHILE THEY WERE VOTING FOR CHANGE.

That is the message given out by the man who came in contact with Mr.Modi most recently; today to be specific. WOW...such an inclusive mindset of the new Government to begin the MUFTIDOM. Of course, he was misquoted like all the silly politicians usually are....hehe. They can't resist the temptation and speak their mind with such nonchalance that it stumps a common man like me. Mr.Modi, your name is getting dragged here because you are a beacon of hope for us and so while we would appreciate "DEEDS NOT WORDS" from you; we would also appreciate "NO WORDS, IF NO DEEDS" from the people who are remotely associated with you.

Today morning, as I was going through the ordeal of watching Pakistan fumble and stumble its way to a win; for half an hour or so, I managed to catch the press conference of Mufti Mohammad Sayeed, the new Chief Minister of Jammu and Kashmir. And I was stunned to hear the new CM not thanking the electorate but choosing to thank the separatists and the militants for letting the elections happen. "Ooooof...yippee....I managed to cross the finish line or else I would have gone extinct in this political jungle". This unfortunate vote of thanks surely points to the desperation of this old patriarch of the PDP to get back into the game. Forget the personal ambition of a politician but as a so-called statesman and a Kashmiri at least, such statement could have been avoided. The media was quick to colour it as a controversy and air it to every Kashmiri house and the rest of the country. 

Today was supposed to be the watershed moment in Kashmir's political landscape. Years of cross border blood spill, militancy and misrule had pushed the state into the darkest depths of despair. So when the opportunity came, all the children of the magnificent valley came out in droves to make it a better place(sorry this MJ tune is playing in my head) . This led to the ouster of the incumbent party and Congress had anyways lost its edge. After a lot of deliberations, PDP and BJP joined hands to form a Government even though these two parties are like the two rails of railway track which never meet. However, just as two rails form an efficient railway track joined by common slabs, these two parties also seemed to have found an adhesive to form a partnership for the greater good of the state and its people. We applauded this rare show of political maturity and hoped that this alliance was all for governance and less for power.  

Today was the swearing in ceremony of this new Government.....today was the day of hope....today was the day to send all the right signals....today was the day to celebrate....today was the day to give out a tough message to all the negative forces in the region. Alas, what does Mr.Sayeed do??? He makes us cynical again. More importantly and most unfortunately, he walks out of the Oath taking venue and straight into the hands of the Separatists and the militants from across the border. P in PDP stands for PEOPLES and not PAKISTAN Mr.Sayeed. You have insulted the people of this country who braved bullets to vote for a better future. The resounding success of the election process is our victory and you needed to show(if not believe) your gratefulness to the people of Kashmir, to the Army and to the Democratic machinery at work in this country. Instead, you did the unthinkable.

I am sure this alliance will not be anything more than a fling and at the end of it, each will come out saying in true Bollywood style--"Naah..woh mere type ka nahi tha!!". Nothing productive will result out of this exercise for the man at the helm of affairs is addressing the other side of the Line of Control. Kashmir, according to me, can only prosper if BJP can get a full majority there while they are at the Center as well. Of course, Mr.Modi would need to rein in few of his loose cannons before all of that. God willing, MODI'S TOUCH will then transform into MIDAS TOUCH and Kashmir will be a Golden Valley again!!!

Death of a Great Man...a Mystery or pure Politics???

In my school days, there was a particular theme which was very popular with teachers whenever they had to consider putting an essay in the question paper. That theme was “Life of a Great Man”. Predictably though, Gandhi and Nehru dominated essay books like they do to our roads and stadiums. My choice was a bit different and this was not because of the Bong Connection but sheer admiration for the great life of the great man we fondly remember as Netaji. Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose lived a great life but that greatness was achieved by way of his unmatched love for the motherland, total commitment to the cause of independence, incredible ability to chart out an untrodden path to freedom and of course, fearless attitude and tremendous resource mobilisation skills to do the unthinkable. “Ekla Cholo Re….” is a song perhaps that best epitomises the journey of the man to begin with but the fact that the man was able to raise an army of motivated Hindustanis underlines the strength of his character and conviction. The typical structure of school book essays allowed for a small conclusive paragraph and which seemed to be enough given the mystery surrounding the death of Netaji. It was always an “unsolved mystery” and unfortunately the print has not changed over the years.

This leads us to the question-“Why the mystery cannot be solved?” This is a wrong question to ask in the final week of 2014 for almost seventy years has passed by. We are not talking of Bermuda Triangle that science has struggled to unravel the mystery associated with it. In Netaji’s case, therefore, the appropriate question to ask is-“Why is there no intention to solve the mystery?” Sadly, apart from Netaji’s family, friends and a handful of activists, no one else in this country of billions gives a damn. The sense that I get after following the various articles, blogs and news items over the years is that no Government actually pursued the matter wholeheartedly. A few never bothered while the others set the ball rolling only to ensure that the ball never gathered momentum. It is sickening really when one hears that probe committee members often found their wings clipped in their pursuit of truth. There was not even sufficient elbow room given to follow the leads and on quite a few occasions it seems that the Government stopped the probe team from making important trips abroad. In a country where the politicians enjoy free trips to zoos abroad, a matter as trifle as a freedom fighter’s disappearance rightly gets zero importance.  SHAME INDIA!!!

Conspiracy theories are abound. Some are also convinced that the evil who stone-walled the homecoming of the hero was another national figure. These theorists apparently base their judgement on the basis of facts and have been crying at the top of their voice that concealing of facts is a great disservice to the nation and to the man who sacrificed a great deal for the freedom of this land. Whatever the truth is….we Indians must be aware of it. The BJP Government is saying that foreign relations would go sour if the truth is revealed. So that means that the mystery is not actually a mystery but it is a cover-up by successive Governments. This is where the matter lends itself to more controversy. If India proudly counts itself as an independent nation and is having the liberty to choose its partners globally then much of it is owing to the relentless struggles of sons like Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose. How can a simple truth ruin a country’s relation?? And if it does then how does it matter??? Revealing of facts will only impact public opinion because the excuse given by the Government implies that they already know the truth. Times have changed and a misdeed almost three quarters of century back would not possibly turn a foreign relation on its head. And that is why it smells fishy here. The evil has to be inside the home for the Government to be afraid of public opinion. I am not suggesting anything here and my assumption is based on what I have been reading. Nevertheless, the Nation deserves to know the fate of one of its greatest sons.

Somewhere I read a story which underlines the impact of Netaji’s efforts on British establishment and their subsequent exit from India. Mr.Clement Atlee, former British Prime Minister, when asked about the reason behind the sudden decision to pack bags and quit India in 1947, he said that Gandhi’s Quit India Movement was not the prime reason but it was because of Netaji’s incredible fight that the British Empire got jittery and hence India earned its freedom.  I sometimes wonder what Netaji could have done to Independent India. He could have been the first Prime Minister. As a man with vision, he could have given a sense of discipline and direction to the youth of the country. As a man who raised an Army from scratch, Indian Defence System would have been much stronger then and perhaps the war of 1962 would have ended differently. As a man who had excellent negotiating skills, India’s Foreign Policy would perhaps have been something marvellous. He could have been one of the earliest recipients of Bharat Ratna. Oh hang on, Bharat Ratna has become a joke and camp system is at play for sure. Only thing missing as of now is the sponsor’s name next to the award. So, Bharat Ratna with all it’s political luster would have been an insult to the spirit of Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose.

Not many in this country are aware of “Prabhat Pheri” nor many of us give a damn to the fate of this story but atleast we can wish for the truth to come out in the New Year so that we can stop talking about the DEATH OF A GREAT MAN and instead celebrate the LIFE OF A GREAT MAN. Atleast, this figures in my wishlist for 2015. Happy New Year!!!

CUSTOMER SERVICE....LETS CELEBRATE A NEW CULTURE!!!!

Till graduation, I barely knew that there existed a formal meaning of the term “Customer” and then came Kotler & Co. with jargons that basically form the staple diet for Management students. “Customer Service” is one such term that had been injected into our systems as a cure for all epidemics out there in the market. Back then, I was a fool like many of my classmates. We never realised the power of being THE CUSTOMER and instead walked into that trap of higher studies which turned our entire world upside down. We now find ourselves on the opposite side holding an invisible signboard “Ready to Serve”. Well I agree that the role reversal happens every time I walk out of my office but I just can’t seem to sustain my anger whenever I am at the receiving end of shoddy service. The inner voice somehow cajoles me down with these words…"Beta kal Tu bhi toh office jaayega…kisiki bad-dua kyun leta hain????" And the face of an angry old shrewd pensioner starts floating before my eyes. As the image vanishes, my heart beat comes back to normal in baby steps of Chi Chi….I AM OK…I AM FINE!!!

We professionals hear this phrase on a daily basis from either our superiors or we ourselves send this message down. In the academic world though, “Customer Service” is already passé and the classroom discussions now-a-days center around a more ruthless phrase called “Customer Delight”.  My personal opinion is that these guys have jumped the gun in their quest for new case studies. While the discussions within the classrooms and in corridors have been spiced up further, there is a world outside where we mortals labour day in and day out trying to sell a product or service while in pursuit of that elusive target. The reality is that the service providers are still struggling with consistently providing the basic service that their customers expect. Apart from the very intangibility and immeasurability intrinsic to service expectations, the other major reason is the narrow interpretation of the term itself at organisational levels. And that is the focus of this yet another epic post today.

If I were to break down the evolution of Customer service into ANCIENT, MEDIEVAL & MODERN eras like my history textbook back in the school days, the ancient view would be that Customer service is limited to the TRANSACTION that happens at the interface. The medieval view is that it is an ATTITUDE while the Modern view ought to be much broader keeping in mind the technological impact on the service industry. To me, Customer Service is CULTURE. Well some Management Guru might have already said so long time back and those of you who are aware, can actually avoid getting bored by moving to Candy Crush or Farm Heroes at this point. I do not prefer reading unless I am forced to and so what I am writing, according to me, is a piece of INSPIRED WRITING & DEEP THINKING (activities stated in actual order of occurrence)…hehehe!!

Now to somehow convince you or confuse you, I have got an example ready as well. See I have been a loyal customer of Airtel for almost a decade now. And they enjoy absolute monopoly in my house starting with phone network to DTH and now even Broadband. But am I DELIGHTED??? NO WAY. Have my expectations been met ??? NO WAY. Am I DISAPPOINTED with their service??? OF COURSE YES. Then WHY??? Am I a Fool??? NO NOT REALLY or well YES to some extent. I was fooled by an act that I interpreted as Customer Service. Now, it is simply the case of “Andho mein kaana Raja”. The first time I took an Airtel Connection…I knew the ancient interpretation and went gaga over the first impression. Then I bought their DTH service and faced issues with installation. My medieval interpretation took shape there as one of their executives took it upon himself to set things right. Now after taking a Broadband connection and wasting my time and energy with their utterly indifferent Customer Care team, I have been enlightened with the modern view of the phrase Customer Service.  The good work by customer acquisition team is undone by the Customer Care team put in place to actually take care of the customers’ needs. They have a fourth view on customer it seems…CUST-SE-MARR!!!

I say Customer Service is a culture because it has to be all pervasive. Today most of the organisations are structured in such a manner that information flow is seamless and so the spirit of customer service should match that. From the policy makers in the Board Room to the field executive; from the decision takers to the housekeeping staff, everyone should remain tuned in. Not only the Supply Chain but even the Service Chain should get backward integrated. Escalation is reactive, Culture is proactive. I have seen so many initiatives fall through because the front end soldiers were not backed up by the support functions. Management takes decisions keeping in view the organizational objectives and it is crucial for the front end team to be aware of those objectives. Similarly, the efforts at providing best customer service should be complemented by internal feedback mechanism and pro-active decision making. It is unfortunate when the very measures announced for better customer service turn into hurdles instead; for want of customer orientation back at the Head Office or strategy desks. They decide, they dictate and then they desert. THAT IS SUICIDAL FOR ANY ORGANISATION IN THIS COMPETITIVE MARKET.

As a Banker in the retail banking segment, I have seen so many times that the customer service initiatives, once launched, are not reviewed for necessary modifications. The Branch staff members have to be empathetic to the customers but more importantly the Back office has to look forward to the feedback from the front end staff for they are eyes and ears of the organisation. Whether the customer actually likes the initiatives??? Are these serving their purpose??? Is that man/woman at the front desk well equipped and well supported for executing those initiatives??? Are there any unattended service gaps??? All these questions have to be answered in time or else what would happen is the standard practice. The carrots are stashed away again; out comes the stick and the rears are exposed at every level as the pain gets delegated.

There is no need to specially make efforts towards Customer Delight for it is imminent once everyone in the organisation does his or her work in true spirit of Customer Service and in line with organizational goals. As a culture, it has to be embraced at every level for Moments of Truth now go far beyond the shopfloor/counters in this information age and the top executives should not begin to enjoy their glass of fine scotch till their decision is green flagged by both the ground staff and the customers.

Banking on Peanuts...no one to Bank upon!!!!!

“There was a time when Probationary Officers were at par with IAS Officers. Even O.P. Bhatt preferred being a Banker than a Babu”. When any officer joins the Banking Industry (especially the Public Sector ones), he or she usually gets to hear these words from the Chief Guest at the induction ceremony. We have not been able to get over the rhetoric and actually find out what has changed since those glorious days. And in that timespace, the fall of Bankers from that pedestal has coincided with the rise of the Indian Administrative Service and the rest of the service industry. Some customers would say its KARMA while the younger lot is ignorant about that supposed past thereby forming an opinion based on the experience. This post of mine is with respect to the Wage Revision Talks that have captured the imagination of the entire Banking Industry but has got very little footage beyond that. I am not getting into the specifics of the negotiations per se but my focus here is more on the erosion of perceived value of the Bankers, need for hard bargaining, out of tune service conditions and indifference towards the needs of the Banking Industry.

When I talked about the KARMA a few sentences earlier, I meant that there was a time when the Banker used to be the king. The customers often were at the mercy of the work ethics of the banker they were dealing with. The customer had nowhere to go and customer service was a jargon unheard of. This was not unique to the Banking Industry alone but almost the entire Public Sector and Government establishments. Moreover, there were no computers then to fast track the service delivery mechanism. Gradually though, the landscape started to change and the role of technology started to assume significance.  The mushrooming of private sector banks coincidentally also happened during that period. Retaining customers and acquiring new ones became much more arduous all of a sudden. That is when the roles got reversed. The Kings suddenly found themselves dethroned and the funda of CUSTOMER IS KING took a long time to find acceptance. This PARIVARTAN took time and by that time many customers got wooed by the private sector Evangelists. Private Sector had a young workforce while the average age in public sector banks were much higher. Naturally, adaptation to technology and customer orientation took time and in fact that process is still on. It is not to say that Bankers then did not serve their customers well rather it would be apt to say that the very definition of customer service changed. Expectations had risen many fold and continues to rise further. Customers can easily pit one Bank against the other on visibles. What is hidden goes unnoticed often.

Where the private Banks score over Public Sector Banks is the removal of entry barriers. Private Sector Banks lay the red carpet before a prospective customer and go all out to lure him in through the Entry Gate. Once the conversion is complete then even the customer doesn’t mind paying a premium if he sees that his work is happening in the normal course. We humans do tend to stick to status quo that provides a comfort zone and so only a handful actually walkout through that very gate later on. The ones who walk out usually are found sitting in a Public Sector Bank. A Public Sector Banker, on the other hand, is more conversant with the regulatory or the so called THE RIGHT WAY of doing things. This obsession scares away some customers from the gate itself. But, the customers who have enjoyed a long relationship with a State run Bank won’t sever their ties because TRUST is the most important factor for them. It is important for Banks to not discount the trust factor under the compulsion of competition. And I am afraid the reverse is happening instead. Even the Public Sector Bankers now appear to be salesmen trying to sell A,B,C….Z to them. Of course, being competitive and coming across as a one point solution provider is the crux to survival these days but the Private sector Banks have specialised cells to cater to each from sourcing to recovery. A Banker in a village is still the "Babu" but for rest of the world he is just another one in the crowd. Not that tags matter much but the stature in the society is important if we are to attract the best talent to the industry. The workforce can rebuild the image through quality service while the Government needs to recognize the contribution on real terms as well.

Now, coming to the negotiations and the very need for it in this age, let me start by saying that it feels like a slap in the face when one reads about the hard bargaining going on for a paltry hike of 9.5% after five years. Take any industry for that matter; the annual raise an employee can expect under normal circumstances is around 15-16%. And here the Bipartite Settlement for peanuts happens every five years and even then the negotiations go on and on. Such negotiations seem more like an attempt at keeping the tradition alive especially when the final settlement happens on unrealistic terms after so much of delay. The time factor and compensation package statistics from other industries for similar job descriptions should automatically get functioned into the formula by which the raise is decided. There should not be any need for negotiations of epic proportions at least to that extent. Bankers have become like beasts of burden and the associations or unions have lost their teeth as well. More than negotiations, a market based approach is needed to make up for the lost ground.

Taking it further, we also need to revisit the service conditions and salary and perks bit of it. A uniform annual increment for all is alright but taking into account the increasing workload, a variable pay component should be added as well. The one who works gets an increment of Rs.X and the one who doesn’t work gets Rs.X and lots of time at leisure in addition. The one who works, his work never ends and the one who doesn’t, well he retires SMART as well. The institution progresses because of the work horses and they should be incentivised for their contribution in order to motivate others as well. Just to point out a couple of other issues, firstly, LFC provisions allow one to avail the benefit twice in two blocks. Funnily, a couple who are also colleagues do not get their individual quotas. Now, how about the man saying “Boss…. today my wife has worked really hard…eh..so I would take it easy!!!!”. Secondly, Probationary Officers who were like IAS officers once are still not entitled to travel by air in this age when even the interviewees in lot many places get air tickets reimbursed. If the industry itself is not giving value to the Officers, how can we expect it from an outsider??? Now a days, it is all about packaging. The awe for a certain profession is mostly by the CTC or the lifestyle that it provides. It may not be the right way but is the popular way these days. MOVING WITH TIMES should be the central theme of Charter of Demands.

Lastly, let me come to the issue that is paining every heart that beats for the Banking Sector and that issue is of course the indifference of the powers that be to the voice of workforce.  There are number of forwards on social media which highlight the importance of the Banking Sector and the contribution of its workforce. Whenever any Government needs to earn brownie points through its pet schemes like Financial Inclusion or Aadhaar, they turn to this machinery for help. Financial inclusion, for instance, could have also been done through the Postal Department given the fact that that Department carries out Banking operations as well. Moreover, it also has presence in far flung areas and basic postal business it not the same any more. Just consider a Bank Employee and the kind of work he or she has to do. Banking, Cross selling of hundred other products, Government Business, Welfare schemes of the Government and on top that bear the risk burden of the transactions as well. If the Government can dole out handsome proposals via the Pay Commissions, the Consolidated Fund of India should also be shared with the employees of the Banking Sector who play a huge part in implementation of the manifesto. This is an extreme thought on my part but the sentiment is not. It is alarming to see the media preferring to ignore the agitations. They spent one month on the IAS officer’s suspension and do not shy away from organising studio discussions on kindergarten admissions or exam stress levels. But the voice of this important constituent of the service sector fails to evoke a reaction. Can’t expect a common man to have any clue regarding what is going on and so it is perfectly alright if they ask their Banker this Wednesday-“teen din ki chutti…kya mast naukri hain!!!!!”

OUR ARMY MEN & THE “MIKE TYSON SYNDROME”!!!!!

Mike Tyson, one of the legendary pugilists, is known as much for his knockout punches as for his “Bad Boy” image off the ring. Our Army does pack a punch for sure and what our soldiers do for us apart from guarding our borders cannot be measured in words. For instance, the rescue and rehabilitation work post the Uttarakhand floods didn’t start moving at all till the defense forces joined in. Whenever our soldiers have got together, be it to fight for the nation or to help the fellow citizens in need, they have led by example.

Time and again though, there have been allegations of rape and other wrong doings against our soldiers in places like Manipur and the Kashmir Valley. The Pathribal case immediately comes to mind at this moment. I do not know the truth behind those allegations for I have heard that there have also been attempts by various groups to somehow get the defense forces out of those states on some pretext or other.  However, what I know and have witnessed on many occasions is the misconduct of soldiers in service or post retirement in a civilian social setup. And this is why I got tempted to call it “Mike Tyson Syndrome” for the good of these men also got negated by the evil in them. It’s almost as if they can never let go off their “camp lifestyle” even when they are thousand miles away from their colleagues.

The latest incident happened just a few of days back on the train that I took back to Delhi post my vacation in Shillong. We boarded the train at morning and found a man lying asleep on the middle berth. Overnight travel had taken its toll and so I asked my father to get some sleep in one of the other middle berths which belonged to us. The Saint (ofcourse my father) replied that it would be inconvenient for fellow passengers. While I climbed up onto the upper berth, my parents and another family managed to adjust themselves in the opposite berth.  My father preferred it that way as he didn't want to wake the sleeping passenger. When the breakfast was served, my father requested the man to wake up and come down so that everyone could have breakfast properly. He didn't pay any heed to the request and my father, being the peace loving man that he is, got down to eating his breakfast while staying low in the sitting posture. Just then Mr.Idiot (let’s give a name to the bugger) woke up and started to climb down. One of the passengers apparently requested him to wait for five minutes and yet the man climbed down from the wrong end and almost put his foot on my father’s plate. He then pulled out his bag without even bothering about whose foot he was crushing or whom he was kicking. He took out his toothbrush, paste and two bottles of whiskey to get his engine started for the day.

The noise of bags being pulled in and out from beneath the seat was too much a distraction for me to keep lying down. I don’t know whether he brushed or not but it was pretty evident to all of us that he was drunk at 9 O’Clock in the morning. He again came and on the pretext of searching for some stuff, took out all his clothes from the bag including his undergarments and put all those in a heap on the seat next to the ladies. The ladies were visibly embarrassed and turned their heads in the other direction. His play with his bags continued unabashed and then I asked him to either stop fiddling with his bag or shift his bag to the edge of the seat and play with it all day long. He cursed me saying that I forced him to shift his bag because I wanted my bags to be kept away from the aisle for safety sake. I laughed and the other passengers joined in as well. He got into a tiff with the waiters next for no reason and abused one of them with choicest words while blabbering about the inferiority of a waiter before the might of a soldier. This man had liquor flowing through his veins and in hindsight it seemed then that waking him up was a mistake indeed. 

The next act of this man really got us fuming and it would be embarrassing for the other soldiers to know that a fellow Indian soldier in a public place went about requesting almost every passenger to zip up his trouser. Drinking is fine but being a nuisance to others is not. We had to confront this man and threatened to throw him off the train in the next station. He was taken away to the next compartment by a colleague of his and we breathed a sigh of relief for we heard that he would sleep there itself at night. A man along with his little daughter shifted to the troublemaker’s berth instead. At midnight again though, Mr.Idiot came and forced the sleeping child to vacate that berth apparently because the other compartment had kids who were being very loud. Waah ab aur kya kahe…..!!!

An area where Defense Services need to work on is the social skill/discipline of its members. The soldiers stay away from normal society for too long and so it is natural that they often do not fit into a civilian society easily. That is where the Human Resources Division should play its part. In a crowd, it is still easier to identify a soldier than identifying a Banker or a Doctor. Everytime a soldier errs, the great institution gets dragged into the filth. In fact, my personal view is that so called “liquor quota” is an excess best left restricted within the place of service. What is the need to allow liquor bottles in the baggage while travelling by public mode of transport???? They are soldiers, not drunkards. Celebrating with a drink or a daily peg or two is understandable but drinking as an Art of Living is beyond me. Not every soldier is that educated or intelligent enough to recognise the immediate environment and behave accordingly. That is when they err and bring disrepute to their esteemed organisation. At a time when there are often talks of wrongdoings by defense forces against civilians; code of behaviour for soldiers in a civilian setup should be the priority. It is not the effects of alcohol but the social behaviour in general that should be taught to the soldiers especially to those in the lower ranks. 

Exit Counselling for servicemen on the verge of retirement is important to facilitate a smooth transition of the soldier into a civilian. They need not feel insulted and get psyched up if the world beyond that gate acts a bit indifferently henceforth. It is normal if the watchman does not salute now or open the gate on time or that the priority service is no longer extended to them. High handed behaviour is often a result of difficulty in accepting the fact that Ranks usually do not matter in a normal social setup. Infact, I may be speaking out of ignorance and perhaps the Defense Services training establishments have already been working on these lines since ages and in which case I can only say that it is my misfortune that I mostly happen to come across the worst students in the class!!!

UMMMMMMMMMMMMM...AADMI PARTY!!!!!

It is well past midnight and Mr.Kejriwal and his team are perhaps still thinking about their role in the Delhi Assembly. By the time they come out with their decision, hopefully my post would be out for my readers to read. Funnily, my readers and the AAM AADMI PARTY (AAP) have something in common. One group is RELUCTANT TO READ & the other is RELUCTANT TO LEAD. My readers can be coaxed or even emotionally blackmailed into reading whatever I write, just as the AAP leaders need their strings to be pulled by the Aam Aadmi.

The AAP apparently has been gathering referendum in order to take a call on forming the Government in Delhi. They held 272 Jansabhas in Delhi yesterday seeking public opinion on their next course of action. While the residents of those 272 wards turned up to redirect the lost ship towards the destination, the wily old politicians would have been enjoying the show and laughing out loud at this "stage fright" being exhibited by a group of people on whose lofty visions the public had put faith in. Mr.Kejriwal may continue to say "hum Aam Aadmi Party hain. Joh janta chahegi, hum wahi karenge" but I have a reason to believe that this reluctance to form the Government stems from something else and not mere respect for public opinion. 

The election result in Delhi was ground breaking and it was nice to know that citizens had the conviction to come out in large numbers and vote against mediocrity, status quo & bad governance (not necessarily in Delhi but by Congress in general). The fact that they voted for AAP implies that the "corruption free governance" promised by this new party struck a chord with the Aam Aadmi. Last year, when Mr.Kejriwal and his team charted their own course with the modus operandi of "Name & Shame", the existing political parties grew insecure and afraid for there was an imminent threat of all the dark secrets being spilled out in public domain. They shrewdly asked Mr.Kejriwal to get into politics and clean the system from within instead of just mud slinging from outside. All that was wrong with the political and bureaucratic system was evident to us as well; and we were looking for a new option on that electronic voting machine which according to us would stand for the all the virtues that make any nation a proud one. Mr.Kejriwal floated the AAM AADMI PARTY then and his party automatically fitted into that image of an honest party that fights the evil. There was an immediate emotional connect as all the frustrations of the common man translated into support for AAP. 

Mr.Kejriwal subsequently decided to put his party to the ultimate political test in Delhi with promises that seemed too idealistic but nevertheless tempting for an honest voter to vote in their favour. Congress got routed while BJP fell short of the half way mark. But AAP pleasantly surprised all of us by winning 28 seats. BJP cannot come together with Congress and so it expectedly played its political card by not coming forward to form the Government and as a result, the onus of forming the Government fell on AAP. Congress, in the meanwhile, sensed an opportunity to stay in power and hence offered its support to the AAP. Political gains may drive parties like Congress and BJP to act in a certain manner but it stumped me to find the AAP shying away from taking up the responsibility which was bestowed upon it by the citizens. 

But now it is obvious that AAP is feeling the jitters when the time has come to actually take control of the ship. We are not dumb to fall for the "JANSABHA CIRCUS". When people had voted for the AAP, they voted for AAP(the ruling party) & not for the AAP(the opposition party). No voter votes for someone unless he/she has a vision of his/her "candidate of choice" in power. Mr.Kejriwal is intelligent enough to understand that every vote that it received was a mandate from people to rule Delhi and fulfill those promises. This is an insult to the electorate and the Election Commission should recover the costs of holding the election from the concerned parties should there be a re-election. We just cannot let public money be wasted in such futile exercises.

The dominant thought on my mind is that AAP has miscalculated its capabilities and hence it is dragging its feet now. They wanted to create a splash in the water and are now faced with a Tsunami instead. A partnership with BJP(the single largest party) would restrict their flight while getting into bed with Congress would be bad for their image.  They have reached a point of not return now. In hindsight, they should have declared their political ambition a lot earlier to mobilise more support. They would do well to start early in other states for the ensuing General Elections in 2014. 

They are under-prepared to run the Capital and understandably so. Good intentions do not imply good administration and here the seasoned politicians would agree with me. "Aasman se girey, aur khajur mein atkey" and the irony is that there won't be a second opportunity if they let this one go. My worry is that now there is a greater chance of poor governance given the inexperience and reluctance. And that would give a chance to the existing political parties to get back at them. Moreover, taming Congress and keeping it under check would be a task in itself should they opt for a coalition. A coalition with the BJP would have been better towards the achievement of their objectives and cornering Congress but going by pure numbers, there would be more bargaining power in coalition with the Congress. All THE BEST to this promising party and hopefully power and political engagements do not corrupt the so-called A FEW GOOD MEN & WOMEN!!!

NOW PLAN YOUR OWN WEDDING....AYANZ "BY FLUKE" THEORY....PART 3!!!

On the 10th of May, as the Mandor Express slowly came to a halt at New Delhi railway Station, I could see Ranbir waiting for me on the platform. We planned to leave for Chandigarh together and had hired a cab which was waiting for us but at the wrong Exit though. After a number of calls trying to locate our "rath" for the "yatra"; we got into the right cab and headed towards Chandigarh. Our first task was to examine the arrangements made for accommodation of the Baraatis who would start reaching Chandigarh in batches the very next day. After a tiring journey and a heavy lunch, we were in no mood to get down to business and knowing  that our "Jawaan" would doze off, I dragged him out into the streets for house hunting. This task had suddenly become number one on my priority list because while we were on our way to Chandigarh, I got the news that my transfer to Chandigarh had materialized. I had come to know about this development well in advance but was not sure about the timing of the order. But my "love" for Jodhpur forced me to pack all my stuff without waiting for the announcement and carry with me to Chandigarh all that I had accumulated in my nomadic existence in the last few years. My luggage needed an address and I wanted to do away with my checklist at the earliest. This little afternoon exercise seemed futile at the end as all we got were only mobile numbers and all of those were of shrewd and boring broker "uncles". Before Ron could hurl abuses at me, I promised to take him to the wise Old Monk at night. Trust me, nothing pleased him more then. 

Now a days though, he prefers to go and see that monk only if his psychologist accompanies him. It seems that the Psychologist too "enjoys" the company of wise people like Old Monk or Teachers. "Ram milaye Jodi....ek Bewra kya kam tha...joh usko mil gayi Bewri"....hehehehe. This couple is living their blissful married life and capturing each moment frame by frame. Good to see them enjoy themselves. Yeh dekh ke doston ka dil "Garden Garden" ho jaata hain!!!! Apparently they have gone to the city of love seeking some DOPE and after that they plan to wash away their sins before the POPE.

Anyways, there is not enough space to squeeze in any other story and so let me get back to the subject of this post. That evening, we inspected the venue and realised the we couldn't get a better place than what had been arranged for stay and marriage. The place was nothing great but the words "Bongo Bhawan" were reassuring enough in a beautiful but strange city, where people seem to know more about their neighbours' cars and less about their neighbours. The arrangements had more or less been taken care of by two wonderful "Probashi Bangaali" strangers, Milan Da and Sameer Da who were commanding their subordinates as if it was the wedding of someone in their family itself. In fact they went an extra mile to make sure that the wedding remained true to its Bengali roots. 

Next day morning I was woken up by the ring of my phone and the voice on the other end instructed me to reach some place within an hour if I did not want to lose out on a good house available on rent. I left Ron in the hotel and at 7.30 in the morning, I sealed the deal and paid the advance. I was damn happy and proud of myself as my previous house hunting experiences were nothing short of harrowing. We spent the day roaming around in Sector 17, watched a movie as well perhaps and returned back to the base to check if the catering guys had started working there. This was the evening when the groom normally enjoys the pampering but this poor groom instead was waiting on the platform along the tracks trying to find some rhythm in the "Chugh Chugh" music from the trains. The bride, on the other hand, was busy dancing to the latest tracks on the platform specially created for the Lady Sangeet celebrations in some upscale hotel unmindful of the hardwork being put up by her life partner just to get married. The first set of Baraatis had reached and I could see Adi flashing his teeth to catch our attention. I could see lot of Bags had come for my wedding and every couple had one Baraati with them. I smiled as I realised that this is a familiar sight when women are involved. After ensuring that every Bag had been accounted for, we escorted the Baraatis back to the Bongo Bhawan where everyone settled in nicely. 

Meanwhile I handpicked talented people(including Baba) from the group that gathered there and rushed to Kalibari to catch hold of the priest who had promised to get me married. This was a tense moment as all our preparations were based on the assurance that he had given a few months back over the phone. While Baba was discussing the SOP with the priest, I raided the temple canteen and got ourselves some delicious mishti doi. The final task was to go back to the station to receive the remaining Baraatis amongst whom was one Mr.Bob, the livewire in the family. Suddenly it seemed that I was not nervous anymore in that strange setting and there was a sense of confidence within me that the next couple of days would be full of fun and happiness. 

12th May, 2013 was like just another day for so many people but the rising Sun signified the start of a new phase of my life. I started the day by taking Mishtimoni, Bodomamu and the bunch of "monkeys" (Adi, Ron, Bob, Abhi and TANIA) along to show the house that I got on rent. Thanks to Boromamu's nationwide network of friends and colleagues, we were tortured with a strange mix of "Lime Rooh Afza" at one such colleague's house and probably this drove my "opportunistic" friends to whisk the "Bhanjaa" away for some sort of Bachelor Party at a nearby pub as a punishment for his Mama's wrongdoings....!!! They drank and ate while I was sitting there waiting to loosen my wallet as and when the moment arrived. The moment did arrive but it was well past the lunch timings. I was the only one who returned hungry as the mere sight of my friends shamelessly tearing into the chicken and pork could not satiate my hunger. 

All the waiting, so much of patience, so many conversations, lot many arguments, a number of tough decisions,lot of convincing and a near perfect execution......yeah the special moment was only a couple of hours away. I thought that it was time to forget all that and peacefully enjoy the last moments of Bachelorhood and get ready to tie the knot. Before that I had to tie my dhoti first though and this thought was making me nervous. But just as I was about to get ready, I had to rush to sector 17 for I had forgotten to pick up gift for "Saala" (Not the "Kamina" types if I may add). And we took a liking to the UCB store there and ended up spending more than an hour there. When we reached back the venue, the Bride had already arrived. Ron told me "yaar tujhe dekh ke lag hi nahi raha ki tera shaadi ho raha hain". I replied "Mujhe bhi nahi lag raha".....hehehehe!!!

The wedding ceremony was short and sweet. The priest tried to get me married into the T-Series family but my "33.26% downloaded wife" corrected him immediately. She could not do anything about her papa though as he was giving her hand away in marriage through specially written piece of mantra that was a funny cocktail of French and Latin. In the midst of all this, I was busy showing off that I understood every bit of "pundarikakshya purakakashya" even though I was preoccupied with the lady in the red benarasi sitting beside me. The day ended with us getting married in Bengali tradition and now it was time to get ready for the sequel with Punjabi tadka slated to take place the very next day. I could do nothing as my wife was being taken away just to be presented before me as my future wife the following day again. "Saala Bakra do do baar halal hua". The night went by as I took advantage of my "quasi-married" status and enjoyed an impromptu get-together with friends and Jijaji. The three hour long ridiculous discussion just centered around the date of 31st July, 2012 and repetition of the following words........"Lekin July 31st hi kyun???"!!!

Sunday morning brought about a change in the venue and the Baraat reached the Sunpark Hotel. The Sun had actually parked itself there as I found out when every Baraati decided to run for cover. I was deserted in that furnace of a car with a "flower vase" on my head for a "sehra" and fancy ethnic suit made of a fabric as heavy as that of a "shamiaana" . The cruel gang of Bouncers(saalis and Bhabis) still didn't care and I had to pay 5.00 lac paise to get a stag entry. While the others would have turned back from the Gate, I fought the odds and ate a laddu made out of chilly powder so that the poor girl does not lose out on a gem of a human being. They even stole my sandal and even though I could have stopped the thief yet I didn't care as "jijaji ka juta bhi saale ke liye ashirwaad hota hain"...lol. The havan started and this time my father fumbled his way through the process while Gul and I were wondering whether we would get double the amount of gifts for the fact that we took fourteen pheras instead of seven. While all of us were counting pheras, the bunch of monkeys were counting pegs somewhere else in the city. 

The two day test match got over by the evening and I drove away with my prize. Of course I had to retire as well after this match winning effort for it rendered me unavailable for other tournaments. But that was the idea...wasn't it??? The theory ends here and apologies for an outrageously lengthy one again. In case you opened your eyes just now, the key to successfully planning one's own wedding is to never lose sight of the prize. And that prize is not the girl alone but the happiness for all in the family. That is the the secret behind the success of this theory. All the best to all those who are busy putting my "By Fluke" Theory into Practice......Papad belnaa sikhlo bhai log!!!